I Don't Feel Like I Can Safely Belong, Be Loved, or Love
“You're entangled not just with her challenges, but with the coziness and magic of this woman.”
Today’s guest and I know each other from a global women's group I facilitate, which you’ll hear a bit more about during the conversation. Jessie is a Sikh Singaporean, third generation woman and this her first personal constellation session.
We initially thought we were going to do a Feng Shui House Therapy episode, but when I tuned in I got a lot of information that made it clear this call was going to be for an entanglement.
Jessie has tried many things from EMDR to ACT therapy to CBT. She’s longing for a different way to move forward. And in this conversation, we’re able to find that for her!
Alchemical constellation sessions are about getting to the root of the problem—not disentangling what we think is the problem, as you’ll hear in this episode.
**TW: This conversation includes mentions of domestic violence. If you choose to listen, take gentle care.
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» have a very complicated relationship with home
» experience confusion around living in relation to your culture of origin
» have a fragmented relationship with your parents or siblings
» desire to find purpose that feels effortless
» want to live a big, joyful, enthusiastic life
» ready to love and be loved safely
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
Jessie’s intention for this constellation session
How to unearth what your intention is for your session
The things Jessie has already done to seek help
If all ancestors are open and willing to do this kind of work
How constellation facilitators are impacted by these sessions
How cultural differences can impact ancestral work
How specific you need to be when naming your desires
If it’s possible to differentiate what your 3D parent would say vs their true self
How we end up choosing our families
A deeper explanation of the process of constellation work with Amy
Why you might feel cold during a constellation session
If there’s anything positive about being in an entanglement
How the right resources show up during these sessions
Just how deep entanglements can go
How to set boundaries with the systemic field
What does the systemic field include
How to know if it’s time for you to explore alchemical constellation work
So many people have complications with estrangement with family or domestic violence or keeping up appearances. I’m grateful to Jessie for openly and generously sharing because it helps others who are going through similar things in life.
An entanglement isn’t just with the pattern, it’s actually that part of your life force is going back to support that soul—when it could be with you, giving you that forward movement you so deeply desire.
Thank you for joining us and being a part of this alchemical constellation journey!
To book your own constellation process, explore the Alchemical Constellation Gateway.
If you’re unsure where to begin, sign up for a free Consultation Call. And if this episode resonates, please leave a review on your favorite platform and share this episode with those who you think might benefit.
Until we meet again, I'm sending so much love from the Doeg land I steward.
Resources:
Women’s Legacy Collective
Connect with Amy:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows
Amy Babish:
Have you ever felt like there's something more just waiting to be unlocked in your life? Like no matter how much you've accomplished, a deeper potential is calling. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast, where I guide you to align with your authentic self and create a life of purpose, love and lasting impact. A life where you can truly soar beyond what your mind can comprehend. I'm your host, Amy Babish, a licensed psychotherapist and an expert in somatic coaching, feng shui and wisdom traditions. With over 20 years of experience guiding thousands of clients through soul level transformation. Each week we'll dive into potent practices, live client sessions and insightful conversations to help you dissolve intergenerational patterns and transcend your upper limits so that you can live the big life you're meant to live. Tune in and let's unlock your inner wisdom together. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast.
Amy Babish:
I'm your host, Amy Babish and long time no see for the listeners and for my guests. Welcome in Jessie. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Jessie:
Thank you.
Amy Babish:
So Jesse and I know each other from a global women's group that I facilitate and she is on the other side of the world, another hemisphere, and it's already the next day, which is wild and amazing. I love crossing the international timeline with guests. So, Jesse, we always start our episodes with, you know, the guests intention. So could you tell our listeners with your own words what your intention is for our work today together?
Jessie:
It is hard to think of to distill this, but.
Amy Babish:
And I can help with that. Just speak freely and then, you know, just like we would in the group, like you're going to freestyle and then it's just like it's a session. So yes, people are listening into our session, but you know, just speak, speak with what's present. Like this is. This is what I really want. This is what I've been looking forward to. This is what I've been trying. And then we're also getting to the entanglements.
Amy Babish:
So, yeah, we'll parse it out as we need.
Jessie:
Yeah, so I would say primarily to live like a big, joyful, enthusiastic life, to feel purpose and love and community and to not feel guilt or to have some sort of understanding of how I meant to live in relation to my family of origin and my culture of origin.
Amy Babish:
And you know, one of the things that we also, because we, you know, you fill out form to be on the podcast. So you spoke a little bit about home. Do you want to speak a little bit about that?
Jessie:
Yes, I have a very, very complicated Relationship with home. I was born and raised in Singapore as a third generation Singaporean Indian of Punjabi Sikh descent in a community that was predominantly of North Indians. And I moved to Australia for university and lived there for quite a number of years. But I always did feel like a little bit of a black sheep in my family and I think even as a child was speaking up about a lot of things like the patriarchy and I probably didn't have the language at that stage, but yeah, so certain power dynamics and keeping up appearances or being worried about what people would say and what people would think. I also had a. I think the turning point for me was when I was about 28, 29 years old. So in about. In September 2020 to be exact.
Jessie:
It was just recently the anniversary of this, which unraveled a lot of emotions for me. Recently, the five year anniversary of it, I was violently assaulted by my estranged brother in my parents home. And that was obviously very traumatic. But also the aftermath of it was sobering because it brought to light feelings that I would never be supported in the way that I need to be or I felt I need to be supported. And what to me appeared quite black and white was, you know, still those concepts that I talked about before about keeping up appearances or. Yeah, so I was. It wasn't looked upon favorably that I had gone to the police and that the perpetrator had been charged. And yeah, my mother was in, in her own way supportive of him and, and yeah, and I think it's fragmented my relationship with my parents, my siblings and my extended family and community.
Jessie:
I just feel I never got the accountability and support in the way that I felt was warranted.
Amy Babish:
Thank you for, thank you for naming it. Something that's very complex. And still we're five years in the future and it's still very complicated and it's still very, very, very present. And I think that so many people have so many complications with estrangement with family or domestic violence or keeping up appearances. And I think it's so important for you to be really like you're being so genuine, so authentic and generously sharing because I think that on the surface nobody would never know that about you and about any of us who go through those things. And you also have tried many things. You've done emdr, things have helped. It's not like it hasn't helped.
Amy Babish:
But you've done ACT therapy, you've done. Have you done CBT also?
Jessie:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you've done a lot, a lot of things. It's not like, you're like, I'm coming on the podcast. And you know, it's not like that for people who are listening. So the longing is to have a different way forward, and it just hasn't been able to fully resolve. And then another layer of complication. I don't know if you want to speak about that you live in another country and that your family has come to your house unexpectedly. Anything about that?
Jessie:
Yes. So I live in Australia and my parents live in Singapore. I have two sisters, so the perpetrator lives in Singapore. As far as I'm aware. I've got two sisters. One lives in the same city that I do, but in a suburb that's quite far away. As far as I was aware at the time. The.
Jessie:
The other sister was living in the UK at the time. But in the past 12 months or even less, two things have happened. The first being that my mother showed up at my home, so she was obviously in Australia visiting her other daughter and showed up sort of unannounced on New Year's Day. And then the last thing that happened was only two weeks or so ago where I was taking the train home from the city to. So to my neighborhood. And I was approached by my sister, the eldest sister, who has obviously relocated back to Melbourne, where I live from the uk. And I. And I was unaware of that.
Jessie:
Yeah. So both interactions were awkward and distressing for me. And, you know, I just have a feeling that I didn't want to have anything to do with it. But, yeah, it in some way keeps coming back to haunt me and I have a knee jerk reaction of maybe I should just move, but then I don't want to just run away from, you know. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So I'm going to give a little context both for you and for our listeners that initially when we talked about the podcast, we really thought we were going to do a feng shui house therapy episode. And when you reached out this time, I tuned in before I replied to you, and it was really clear that, yes, feng shui would be helpful. And what I got was that this is an ancestral entanglement. And so is it okay if I share a little bit about our attempt to do that in another place?
Jessie:
Yeah, of course, Please do.
Amy Babish:
So Jesse was in a group with me that was 16 months, and she was queued up to do a group constellation in another place that we did this amazing retreat and she was the last person to be in our queue out of 14 constellations that week. And she kept on getting like, I'll let you say in your words. The words that come to mind are shade, but probably have a more Jesse way of saying it.
Jessie:
Yeah, my. It wasn't in the cards for me. It was as if it was within reach, but I could, couldn't, couldn't access it. And it felt like almost like. Yeah, like it was dangling in front of me, but I couldn't reach it. And I think there was a lot of resistance. Yeah. Be it a cultural difference of the community I grew up in and potentially any kind of stigma or misinterpretation of what this work is or.
Jessie:
Yeah. So for background, I'm from a Sikh back Sikh background and which this isn't. But I think idol worship and believing in like living gurus or you know, believing in kind of things that are outside yourself in, in particularly in living forms is not seen favorably. And, but, but that's not what I'm doing. So, you know, like. Yes, yeah, I, Yeah, I'm aware of the limitations of Amy and like, you know, I don't see you as like the embodiment of a living guru or anything, but no offense, but you know, or. Yeah. So we had to have, I think together and separately a few discussions with my ancestry and ancestors and there was a lot of like anger and confusion on my part.
Jessie:
Like anger, confusion and even there was a period at the start of the retreat where I was having a lot of fear and not being able to sleep and like a weird, weird sense. It was a very spiritual week. And yeah, it was confusing and ultimately I couldn't have a constellation. And it was a mixture of relief but also confusion and a bit of anger and resentment, to be honest. So.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, so you know, people who, who don't understand this work. I don't. I am very gifted, but I'm not doing anything and, and I'm glad that Jesse sees me for who I am. Like, I am skilled, but I am no guru. Neither do I want to be. But from the outside looking in.
Jessie:
It.
Amy Babish:
Can be very confusing, especially for systemic fields and for ancestors. And I'll never forget that I felt your Punjabi Sikh male ancestors like kind of looking down on us like ominous, omnipotent people that were like, you foolish women. And I felt that during the retreat and I just, I have to step back because in this body, as a global minority, as a white bodied woman, I'm not everyone's favorite. So I could really respect that they were a hard no. And during that week, I think that a lot of work happened for you, even though it wasn't specific to Your story, you were able to participate in many, many different layers, but it was kind of like, even without your blood family members being here, your family showed up and thwarted you from what you really want. So, you know, what you're saying in your intention is like, I want to live a joyful, enthusiastic life, to feel purpose, love and community. All those things were available that week. And something about the entanglements even showed up in real time.
Amy Babish:
Even without your blood family showing up, like knocking on the retreat doors, they still. That still was something. And so I don't see it as wrong or bad. I can. I know that you're frustrated and you're like, I came all this way. This is a huge journey. Wtf? But I think for. For today's session, I have a sense that there's a lot more willingness.
Amy Babish:
I'm not sure where we're going to go, which, you know, what part of the lineage we're going to go into, but I did, I did. When I tuned in, when we were emailing, I got that it's your paternal lineage where the entanglement is.
Jessie:
And my father's side. Yeah. That's so interesting, because I know very little about them. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And that's. That's the beauty of the way that I work, is that it's not about, like, false memories or, like, you have to know your family tree. We, the field, will speak to you and I in a way that is resonant for you. And it might be a mystery to me, but it's going to help us to understand where. Where does this entanglement belong? Who. Where does it. Where is its origin? Because you're carrying an unresolved burden that's quite painful and it's very complex. And I think, even though I've known this, when you introduced yourself to me, you explained this to me throughout the group, I had touch points in it, and then at the retreat, I had touch points in it.
Amy Babish:
And I feel like something has changed. And I don't know what it quite is, but I can feel there's a willingness to, even systemically, for your field, to let me know just how complicated it is. And for some reason, even though I just read your intake form, you know, when you sent it, I can feel almost as if ancestors are coming forward. Like, it feels to me like a holograph when you tell me, you know, I thought my oldest sister was living in the uk, and then I almost feel her spirit, whoever she's entangled with, coming to Melbourne. So it's like I see a Double vision almost. And I'm not psychic. I'm very intuitive. And the field speaks to me sometimes with images, sometimes with music.
Amy Babish:
They give it to me in a way that's really. It's for you, it's not for me. And I could feel the passing of. Of time and it's. It's almost making me emotional. So I feel that we're there. And I will also share that. Your ancestors had me do some things before we got on today, so I know that they're more willing.
Amy Babish:
So I have lots of many different kinds of incense in my house. I'm sure you can imagine that. And so I used cone incense, and it's called Tilda. And Tilda is that little squiggly line in the upper left hand corner of your keyboard underneath escape. And I think that that's a metaphor for something.
Jessie:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
And then they speak to me in a code. And then you're in the southern hemisphere, which is. It's spring and I'm in the northern hemisphere, and it's autumn. And autumn is the time of metal. It's the element associated with metal. And autumn is related to distillation. And so, like, what went well, what didn't go well, what should we plant? What should we redo? And it's also related to when it's out of balance, grief. And so what they had me do, I have a Tibetan singing bowl that I use at times, and they had me ring it in here and they had me sing to it.
Amy Babish:
And so, wow, I feel like they're ready to release grief. And it's like almost like a wailing that I can hear.
Jessie:
And.
Amy Babish:
It'S like agony. And so I know that you might not feel like exactly that, but I think that some of your lived experience by losing your family and being estranged from them is agony. So this isn't about like, I have an agenda or anything like that. And I don't think you even know this about me, but I'm estranged from my brother. And I've had estrangement at different points in my life with my entire family system. So my entire family has cut me off before. And so I know how complex that can be. I'm not a Sikh Singaporean, third generation woman, and I also come from a very big family that's messy and complicated.
Amy Babish:
So when, when we come to do this work as constellation facilitators, it. The work works us just as much as it works our clients. So I feel like your ancestors are. It's not like in. In when we were on the retreat in the other place, the other country. Neither America or Australia or Singapore. But in that. That fourth place, I feel like they were calling me to task, and they were like, are you worth.
Amy Babish:
Are you worth your weight? Just going for a tissue. And today I feel like the veil is thin here. The veil is thin in the north, in the northern hemisphere. And so I. I was up very early this morning. I feel like your ancestors woke me up to be with the stars.
Jessie:
Oh, wow.
Amy Babish:
I could see a full night sky here. And I live outside of Washington, D.C. and there's a lot of light pollution, but I could see more stars than I've seen in a long time. And so I feel like they were giving us a blessing for this.
Jessie:
That's awesome.
Amy Babish:
And maybe other parts of your life that you might not know about are giving us a blessing too. So I wanted to kind of name all those things before we go more deep in. Because it was so complicated for you when we were on retreat together. And I think you've heard me say this before, but, like, it always takes as long as it takes. And I can't force any ancestors to do the work, and you can't force them to do the work. And so they have to be ready, too. And I feel like there's a readiness today that it's like a softening of something that's really hard, like a metal that's finally being warmed up by, like. I think what I feel is, like, the willingness in your own heart for things to be different for you.
Amy Babish:
And I know that's really hard earned. And I feel like there's a. You didn't even say this in words, but I feel like there's a humility for you to face whatever. Whatever needs to be faced. You're willing.
Jessie:
Yes. I would say so, too. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
How does all that land.
Jessie:
Yeah, it's riveting. Like, firstly, I'm grateful because I feel like there was so much resistance at the retreat. But interestingly, the fact that you've said it's a parental paternal lineage, and they seem so. I know very little about my father's side of the family, apart from my grandfather and my grandson, his parents. But even then, we weren't particularly close, and they are more like Hindu, Punjabi. So culturally a little bit different from my mother's side of the family. So the Sikh men, or that presence that you felt at the retreat, to me, felt very maternal because even I was feeling it. Like, even I.
Jessie:
There's a part of that in me that's like you're such an idiot. Like you flew halfway across the world to dance around with a bunch of like, even I was chastising myself at some point, you know, and it's because I grew up with my mother's side of the family very closely and there's a lot of that in me too. Yes.
Amy Babish:
It's internalized.
Jessie:
Yeah. So the fact that you're saying a paternal lineage and that things are a bit more open minded, it's, it's interesting to me and I'm just curious about it. Like, I don't know if I have like a, a view, but I'm just like, that's interesting, you know, because I always thought that all the problems were with the maternal side of my lineage and that's probably because I spent more time with them and I've had more of an understanding and a view of the power dynamics and the issues that I can see systemically even within that side of my extended family that exist and that I feel like I'm a product of. And then I sometimes forget that that's not my only family, you know? Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So I don't know for sure if that's who it is, but that's who came through when I, you know, tuned in, when we started emailing and so when we were on retreat, you didn't see this process because I only do it when, you know, when it's fully time. So what we're, I'm going to talk you through what the process is. And it's not just for you, it's for your systemic field. So all of the ancestors, all of your guides, any beings, angels, helpers, they're all going to hear it. And for those listening, the same thing is happening if you give permission not for me to listen, but for you to listen to your own fields. So when we, when we do a tune in, you know, we're kind of like dialing the radio to what your intention is. So your intention is, is really clear. We're going to land a little more.
Amy Babish:
Because if you could live a big joyful life, enthusiastic, like, feel purpose, love and community and not feel guilt of how I am understanding how I'm meant to live, what would your life actually look like? What would be true for you? Who would you be?
Jessie:
I feel like I would have so much more energy. I would seize the day, I would kind of be up and at it. I have a strong feeling of like a sense of gratitude, of I love where I live and I'm so lucky I get to live here. I don't really feel that now. I don't know if that's a mindset thing or a geography. Geography thing and purpose, like in my career, in my role in the world and my purpose in the world, and I'm in love.
Amy Babish:
Landing. Landing an intention for Constellation work is really important. So it's like, tell me about both with your purpose and with love. Do you have any sense of concretely what that looked like? You're not pigeonholing yourself, but, like, it's like this. And we're also flexible.
Jessie:
Yeah. I feel like career has always been very important to me, but I haven't been able to find out, like, find what or how, you know, like, so in this life that I envision or this intention I have, I feel like I'm doing something that's perfect, purposeful, but it feels quite effortless for me. And like, I'm leading and I'm making decisions, and it feels like a legacy I can have, like, you know, like something that I can be known for. And. Yeah, and the love piece feels like even if it's just one person, like a partner or community and friends, it feels like a safe, loving home and family that I never had as a child or that I like, that I've never experienced before. It feels really safe and comforting.
Amy Babish:
And do you know, because you've done so much work, do you know what safe and comfort feel like in your body?
Jessie:
Like a warm hug.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Jessie:
And where I can be myself, Like, I can say what I feel, what I think, and there are no repercussions. You know, I'm not too opinionated. I'm not too much of a feminist or. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Okay, that. That helps. We're trying to allow. The field is going to organize around your specificity. So rather than being like millions and millions and millions of ancestors, we're just going to call in this group going back. So that helps. Those who are supposed to be a part of this conversation, that can't be, and those who are not, they might have strong opinions, but they're not tied to your entanglement or your true intention. So once we do the tune in, then you'll share yours.
Amy Babish:
And if you want to hear mine, you can hear mine. It's not oblig. It's not obligatory. And then we're going to check in with, like, the essence or spirit or soul of your parents, and we will ask them, do they have this entanglement of boundaries being crossed by family members, of physical violence, of feeling like they're trying to speak up? Because that's going to help us to know where it is. And rather than your mind saying, this is the truth, I'm going to also. I'm going to also help us through that process because in 3D in the human life, your parents might say one thing, one thing versus their true self might have something different. So it's. Rather than going defaulting to this is what I know my parent to be like, it's like this is.
Amy Babish:
There's a. There's a level of like, kind of truth telling that happens when we're in the field that we can access and not real conversation in real life for. For some. For some systems. So for some reason, both your mom and dad have this. We're going to do a second tune in and we will come back to your lineage when it's time to do some work with your mom and dad. But it could go either way at this point, so I'm not sure. It could be that.
Amy Babish:
My initial tune in when we started emailing is that it's on the paternal line. And it also could be deeper because as we deepen our conversation and they know that I'm seeing them and you know that you're seeing them sometimes, like, there's a bit more forthcomingness that comes with. With it. How does that sound?
Jessie:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we're going to just close our eyes and we're dialing into your systemic field and we're asking your field to let us know where this belongs. A context, a time, an era. They might give you a person, they might give you a geographic location. It might feel like a feeling in your body. It might be sound, might be talking, it might be music.
Jessie:
I feel like it's absolutely in South Asia. Okay. Because. And it's like the image I got in my mind was like a busy street, almost like shops, dusty kind of road. Like so not like, not even like a paved road. Like, just kind of like dirt road and like rickshaws and tricycles and. Yeah, I'm definitely in the subcontinent, like India, Pakistan. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Would you like to hear mine or would you like to just go into the tunein?
Jessie:
I would love to hear yours. Okay.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So I. The field is asking me to tell you something that might feel like very out there. So when I tuned in, it took me a long time to tune in. And so that tells me that there's something there, something like in. In. In. In the space between us.
Amy Babish:
Right. And as I tuned in, my prefrontal cortex, which is your forehead, really started to hurt. And I asked, am I standing with somebody with mental illness, and they said. They said, yes. And then my jaw is really hurting, and it's like the jaw is oftentimes things left unsaid. And so I'm standing with someone with mental illness who can't fully speak. And I got that it's on both sides of your family, both the maternal and paternal.
Jessie:
And.
Amy Babish:
I also got that this is like a. A cosmic. A cosmic. The roots of this are cosmic. So sometimes it's kind of like puzzle pieces that we get when we tune in. So it doesn't mean that our puzzle pieces fit immediately together, but we're allowing the field to kind of come forward and say, this is a part of this. This is a part of this. We're not expected to piece it together yet, but we're allowing the field to organize in a way that's like, oh, this is.
Amy Babish:
Everything gets to belong in this. Oftentimes when we have entanglements, it's because somebody couldn't belong safely or something couldn't belong safely. And your experience, you don't feel like you can belong safely.
Jessie:
Not at all.
Amy Babish:
You're entangled with somebody who cannot belong safely. And. Yeah, so we'll. We'll go in, and you're going to just close your eyes, and you're going to present your mom's true self behind your left shoulder. And you're going to ask her, do you carry this entanglement of not being able to speak up fully, having to hold back, not feeling safe at home, feeling like your boundaries are always going to be crossed? We're not looking for 100 congruence, but enough of it.
Jessie:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. And did you. Did you know that about your mom before you tuned in?
Jessie:
Yes. Okay.
Amy Babish:
That's just making sure nothing's a surprise, because sometimes these things can be a surprise. So now we're going to present your dad behind your right shoulder. And again, we're not looking for 100% congruence, but we're looking at, like, where does this. Where does this land for him? So you ask him the same questions.
Jessie:
Yes, but I almost felt more resistance with that one. Like, more stoic. Stoicism or something. Yeah, that's.
Amy Babish:
That's okay. He gave. He gave it. He gave us an answer. So I believe it's important your ancestors need to hear this. So we're not, like, we're not excluding them, but the roots of this, for you are. Are going to be in a past life. And so it's helpful for me to share with you, but also with your blood lineage in this lifetime.
Amy Babish:
This doesn't mean it's 100 true, but this is the. The essence of it. From the way I understand it.
Jessie:
I.
Amy Babish:
Tend to work with people who are very old souls. And so you come to this lifetime having tried a lot of things, and, you know, this is the lifetime where you're like, I'm gonna figure some shit out. And so before you incarnate, you gather the people who are like, hey, you want to work on love and purpose and feeling safe? We have those problems too. And so out of love and devotion, you pick each other. And they say it's going to be super up, but we're going to make sure that you don't miss it. Like, we're going to make sure that you know that you have to figure this out. And so it will feel really unsafe and it will feel like you're not loved. But you're here because you told us that you could help.
Amy Babish:
So it's really complicated in that way. But it's like, out of love and respect that we choose our complicated families. And what happens when I do this kind of deep constellation work with people is that the lived experience is so challenging or horrific that we're like, if it just would have been different in my family of origin, this would be so much better. Yeah, that's the complex piece. It's like. And I have this experience with South Asian Indian families. I have a number of South Asian Indian clients that. And this happens with other lineages too, where we could go ad nauseam back in your maternal and paternal lineage, and we would meet the same challenges.
Amy Babish:
So in the retreat, we were at the field, a rep in the field said, we can't go back in the past to change the past, to have a different future. And that was the wisdom of the field speaking. And I find that to be true with when we have both lineages having the same exact or very similar exact, repetitive problem or challenge, we could go back thousands of years and it would still be the same. So what I have updated the constellation process for both individuals and groups. And what you will have today is that we will go to whatever lifetime this started for you and people, whoever you were, whatever the context was, we will work through it and get that person or that context, the resources so that they can be whole, and then you can take whatever you need to back from them, and so you will get the resources there then. The way that I metaphorically speak about this is that you are currently in. In the teacup of your blood lineage. So you are the teabag steeping in it.
Amy Babish:
So we can't go. We can't keep on being in the same teacup with the same tea in the same tea bag to get any difference. So we will take you, the tea bag out of the teacup, go back to wherever this belongs for you. We will update the herbs. Or maybe it won't even be tea when we come back. You might be sugar, who knows? And then we come back to the teacup and anybody in the lineage that wants to receive the resources will receive the resources. And there's no forcing, there's no cajoling. They just who those who want to receive will receive.
Amy Babish:
And then if your parents are willing, we will do a process with them. So how does this sound? Your eyes.
Jessie:
Confronting. But I'm. I'm ready for it. Kami, can we just pause very briefly? For me to get tissues, like I don't know. And also to wear socks. I feel like. I don't know if this is relevant, but I feel like my extremities are freezing. Like I've.
Jessie:
I don't know if this is relevant to this.
Amy Babish:
Oh, yes, it is. You go get your socks and I'll explain.
Jessie:
Yeah, thank you.
Amy Babish:
I'll explain the cold. You can keep your. You can keep your headphones in if you want. So when we are doing deep change work, it can be somatic work, it could be constellation work, it can be other modalities. When our body goes to cold, some things are starting to leave or shut down and tell us that they're done. So I have been hot, cold, hot cold every, every day, all day is because I'm perimenopausal. But today I've been particularly cold and my nose has been running a little bit. So oftentimes when I do this work, I am what I am in what we call the pre field.
Amy Babish:
And so the pre field helps me to know what we're headed into. And so the prefilled asked me to do the incense. The prefilled asked me to do the singing bowl. The prefilled has me wearing heavy socks. I have a fleece here. I had it on when we started. I took it off already. So I'm in the hot cold, hot cold.
Amy Babish:
So it just is. Life force is starting to condense and there's life force that's starting to. To leave and exit and complete. So that means things are moving. So that's. That's really good.
Jessie:
So I just had the tail end of that. And that makes sense.
Amy Babish:
Yep. So we will Do a second tune in. And so you're going to just say, what lifetime, what time, what lifetime is this about for me? And can you give me details, context, something to help me to make sense of where this belongs systemically for me?
Jessie:
So almost immediately I saw like 1800.
Amy Babish:
It.
Jessie:
I'm struggling, but I'm seeing a lot of orange and, like, waves. Yeah. Okay.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So what, I'm. I'm guessing that you want me to share with you.
Jessie:
Yes, always do, Amy. And please do.
Amy Babish:
So I have a feeling that I am with a past life version of you. So this. And this tune in. My head hurts so bad. Like my. My prefrontal cortex hurts even worse, and I'm really hot in my forehead. I'm not sick. I check to see I'm not sick, but my liver hurts.
Amy Babish:
And so I have big feelings, too.
Jessie:
And.
Amy Babish:
I have a mental illness, but I also maybe don't have a mental illness, but it's the times that tell me that I have a mental illness and I'm a light worker. Do you know what a light worker is?
Jessie:
No.
Amy Babish:
So lightworkers are humans, but they have cosmic origins, and so they have amazing spiritual gifts that are meant to help evolutionary movement. And so in this lifetime, you are a light worker who I feel is very misunderstood. And I think. I can't tell if it's like you really had a mental illness or if it's just that the label that was put on to you and you live by the ocean, and this lifetime is in North America. And it's what I. When I heard you say orange. There's a lot of orange. The first thing I heard, and I think I'm with her, she said red clay.
Amy Babish:
And she said that you're in.
Jessie:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
You're in Georgia.
Jessie:
I saw a lot of red. Like, red orange dirt. But yeah, yeah, so you are.
Amy Babish:
We'll see. We'll see. We're gonna. We're gonna see if she can talk with you directly.
Jessie:
Also, Amy, as you were mentioning, some of your physical symptoms, I don't know if this is relevant, but in the days prior to this, I think ever since we decided we were going to meet, and I'm only now putting the correlation together, I have felt a fair bit of, like, discomfort in my pelvis and felt like almost like thrush or UTI type symptoms, even like, persisting till this morning, I feel. And I don't know if that's relevant to any of. Yeah, so she's.
Amy Babish:
She's telling me that's hers. So you're. You're pre filled in that way. So we're gonna. It. Sometimes it helps. Just. It's not about, like, closing your eyes to get big ahas, but like, sometimes when you close your eyes, your intention, your attention can go inwards with her.
Amy Babish:
And so you can speak to her out loud, or you can speak to her just inside of your mind, Whatever works best for you. She can hear me. But you want to introduce yourself and explain who you are, why you're here, that you two are. You're living her unfulfilled destiny. You keep on repeating her lived life. In this life.
Jessie:
I feel a lot of calmness, and it's almost like a sweet interaction with her because. And even when you first mentioned the ocean, that made me smile because I love being by the water. And I feel like I told her that I was like, I love being. And she's like, me too. And I can feel that, like, affinity almost.
Amy Babish:
And when we're entangled, we have gifts too. It's not all. It's not all the bad stuff or challenges. Yeah, there's many gifts too.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you can ask her, does she know that she's dead?
Jessie:
I get the sense that she doesn't.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So when. When someone, either an ancestor or a past life version doesn't know they're dead, oftentimes the. The death was traumatic. So you can ask her what was going on your life, that you might have been killed accidentally or murdered.
Jessie:
She drowned. Okay.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And ask her what was going on in your life, and you can let her know. These are the things that I've been challenged. I've been challenged with no matter what I do. So everything that we kind of talked about in the beginning, you can give her eclipse notes. Like, my mom shows up at my door. I get physically assaulted by my sibling. My whole community excommunicates me.
Amy Babish:
I'm the black sheep.
Jessie:
So I get a sense from her. I don't know the extent of her lived experience, but she appears to me very much like a lone ranger. Like, I don't see a family. I don't see kids. I don't see even a partner. It's just her. But it feels like a very ethereal, peaceful presence. And I have an image of a home, but this doesn't make much sense to me because it looks like quite a modern home, but it's like a home with, like, lots of books and, like, knickknacks and Persian rugs and.
Jessie:
Yeah, I'm getting, like, old white grandmother.
Amy Babish:
So this is. This is gonna be A complex one. So I'm getting she's not an old white grandma, even though it looks like her house is. I get that she is an indigenous medicine woman.
Jessie:
Ah.
Amy Babish:
She can walk between worlds.
Jessie:
Wow.
Amy Babish:
And what happens when I say that? What is her feedback when I. When I name that?
Jessie:
Yeah, yeah. But she doesn't look, like, traditionally, like. Yeah, she's a shape. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And as I speak about her, the. The tension in my head goes away. So it feels really important that she's understood for her complexity.
Jessie:
It's funny that you say that, because I'm feeling a lot of heaviness in my jaw, like, in this side, which is the assault, like, almost like it's weighted or something. Like it's not painful.
Amy Babish:
Right.
Jessie:
It's like. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you can tell her. Tell her about the assault and ask her was she assaulted or was she not able to fully speak up or was she disrespected when she spoke up?
Jessie:
I'm not seeing a physical assault, but she's telling me that. Yeah, she can't speak what she thinks because it's so outlandish to people to hear it. Yeah, yeah. And she's just so eclectic and. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yes, yes. So you can tell her, I am loyal to your lived experience. I belong to not being able to speak up, because I'm out there in my family, too.
Jessie:
And I feel it. Like. I feel like I want to be her friend, and I love her house.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. So she can hear me speaking. So what's happening is that she's not free in the afterlife, and you're not free in this lived life. And you share what we call a soul fractal. So our souls are vast. And that's a whole episode for another time. But for the Cliff Notes of this, instead of you having more of your soul in your physical body in this life, this soul fractal is being shared between the two of you. And so the entanglement is not just the pattern, but it's actually that part of your life force is.
Amy Babish:
Is with her when it can be with you. And so the more that we understand, like, what she really needs, because we're here to be a support to her and help. Help her, free her, just like we're here to help for you, but with a specific intention. You can ask her, like, what did you try? Or what did you ask for help that didn't work in your lifetime? Because we're going to try something different.
Jessie:
It. I'm just getting an overwhelming sense that she's disappointed that she's no longer alive. Like she wasn't aware of it.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
And she feels this, like, unmet need of, like, love and being loved. I think she feels really, like, disappointed that she's passed without experiencing that.
Amy Babish:
And.
Jessie:
I got the sense. And this is like, I honestly don't know if I'm projecting, but, like, I got a sense that she drowned. And there's a bit of resentment of she was alone and she's always alone and that's how she drowned.
Amy Babish:
So you can tell her, I belong to your loneliness. I belong to your longing to love and be loved. And I'm. If it feels true, Jesse, I'm terrified of dying without ever having that.
Jessie:
Yep. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So your life force is going back to her and her unlived experience or her. The thing that never got finished for her is playing out in your life. And so I'm going to check on. We're going to bring in a resource. This is a resource that's going to help with receiving. And she can. She can suggest the resource or you can suggest the resource, or I can suggest the resource, but it will be resonant for both of you. So this is a way to think about what this alchemical resource can do with receiving.
Amy Babish:
It's literally going to update your operating system. It's not going to make logical sense. It's going to happen in this liminal space. It can be anything. It could be a plant, an animal, a place, a water. You guys could go into the ocean together, whatever you want. It could be a deity. It could be a pet, a long lost pet.
Amy Babish:
It can be a food. It can be really anything. It could be a planet. So when I say that, do you. Or this past life version of you, do you have a. An idea of what the resource is for Receiving?
Jessie:
It feels like a rock or like a boulder in the middle of the water. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So are you two going to take a boat out there? Are you going to swim there? Are going to frolic there?
Jessie:
Swim.
Amy Babish:
And in this.
Jessie:
And I can see she's got like swimmers on that are this like sky blue color. Like, I can see it. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
That's beautiful.
Jessie:
And a mane of like silver hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you guys are gonna swim out to this boulder and she might know the boulder. I feel like she knows the boulder. Let me know when you guys are there.
Jessie:
Yeah. Okay. We're kind of both holding on to it. Like one arm in, one arm out, kind of. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to pull a little bit from Daoist Stone medicine. And she might know this from her wisdom tradition, too, that the. The boulder is encoded with all of the records and updates and upgrades throughout all time and space. So we're going to ask this boulder to help both of you receive love in its wholeness. Love for yourselves, love for your lives, the ability to fully receive love safely from others, including romantic partnership and community, and from chosen family and from biological family, if available, and from systemic ancestors and supports. So it's a big, tall order, but the boulder can do it. And it's going into the kidney level, which is the DNA level. And so it might feel physical, but you might.
Amy Babish:
It might just have, like, an overall sense, but it's going in physically, emotionally, energetically, intellectually, spiritually, and it's going all the way to the cosmic level.
Jessie:
I'm seeing a lot of yellow for some reason.
Amy Babish:
So one of the yellow rays might be there also, giving support.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So the different rays have different frequencies of healing. And yellow is. Is the yang, like yin and yang. So yellow is the divine masculine. So it feels like you're being given the yin from the boulder. Yin is receiving his feminine, and the yellow is. It feels like you guys are getting an update to balance the masculine and feminine within yourselves, within your society, systemic fields, and in. In real life and in real afterlife.
Jessie:
It's funny you say that, because when I first imagined the drowning and the boulder, I kind of saw it as her holding on to the boulder until someone could come save her.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
And it was like a male person that kind of rushed over. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So something's being rearranged for both of you around, like missed opportunities, longing, just not being able to be fully seen, not being able to be full. Your full expressions of yourselves. So you're just receiving. It can feel like a frequency or a transmission, and it feels like the water's there to help it integrate, like, to soothe it. And really let the boulder, the water and the yellow frequency invite that into your pelvis, too. Any of the symptoms that you've been carrying that are hers, inviting into your jaw, inviting it into your forehead, inviting into your throat and your heart. And she's getting it in all the places that she needs.
Jessie:
So quite early on, like, when you mention estrangement in. In this context of us holding on to the boulder, I got this sense of actually a lot of love from my sisters and my mom. And I mean, I know this because I've. I've estranged myself from them on the basis of them not supporting me in the way, like, you know, I just can't explain to them why what happened was wrong and how it's so insurmountable. And the approaches made by them were not like, to chastise me, but to have a relationship with me, essentially. And yeah, for some reason, that perspective kind of named itself in that analogy of the yellow rays and the water and the. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And so you can say to her, I've chosen to be alone, too. To be. To be close to you. I have to be alone, and I don't want to do that anymore.
Jessie:
She feels really sad. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to bring in some support for her because you. Right away, you're like, I want to live in this house. This is great over here. So my sense, Jesse, is that you spend time in the astral plane with her there, and that's why home doesn't feel like home. This is your. This is where you think your home should be. You're entangled not just with her challenges, but with the coziness and magic of this woman's modern house that she time travels to.
Jessie:
This is so strange because there's parts of my home, like the books and the rugs and the. Like, a completely different home and vibe. But my. I'm trying to be a kitchy grandma or something like. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yes, you are. This is what an entanglement is. We live out in very specific ways out of love. I love this person. I love that lifetime. I know she's going to be lonely if I leave her. So this is. This is to get her some support and use some support.
Amy Babish:
So love was the first resource. So what do you notice in her now that you both have received this double resource of the yellow light or triple resource? The yellow light, the ocean and the boulder.
Jessie:
She's a lot calmer. Like she's catching her breath.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. She's getting integrated. So we're going to ask. There's another. Another resource that wants to come in. We're going to ask her does she want to reconcile, repair, or bring in someone totally new in the afterlife. Now, a lot has happened in a couple hundred years. It might be that she had a person that she really wanted to be with, but she was time traveling.
Amy Babish:
She couldn't be with that person. I don't know.
Jessie:
I feel a man, and I felt it quite strongly in the. Even in that rescuing thing. Yeah, he's like, older, but very strong and has very kind eyes and to me, has this personality of, like, he's outdoorsy and he gets stuff done. And he's like, nothing is too, too hard for him. Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
We're going to ask them to tell you how do they know each other?
Jessie:
They met at the beach.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And I think it's important for her to explain to you how she knows him. Is it from her walking through worlds or through time traveling, whatever word she would use for it.
Jessie:
All I'm getting is that he's involved in like boats or fishery or some sort of industry. But I don't know how she got to know him. Like in some way through living by the beach or by, you know.
Amy Babish:
I have her permission to share.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
That she calls it walking through worlds. That when she walked through worlds, she met him and he knew her in this modern house, but they couldn't be together fully because she still had to walk back to the other world. And so I'm asking her, is she fully ready to be re reunited with him because he's passed on too. They can be re reunited in the afterlife and have the love story that they've always wanted.
Jessie:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
She's ready and he's ready.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And you've been entangled in a love story that couldn't complete too. You've been waiting for her to reunite with him. And so you said in solidarity, I won't get a partner either. That's how deep the entanglement is. Jesse.
Jessie:
Yeah. This is so funny because I am such a lover girl. I love love. I love the idea. Love. I love watching people in love. I love love. As much as I am like a sourpuss feminist man hater.
Jessie:
It's like there's this like disconnect because I'm like. But I love love. And I, you know, and also I love the water and I love the ocean. And it's funny when you say that because I almost feel like she does too. And if you're talking about this modern house, I almost imagine this like Malibu bungalow that opens out into the water and this like frolicking on the beach and going for swims and things is almost like a respite from her day to day reality. And now that you're saying it's not like her everyday existence, it kind of makes sense that because it, it feels that way almost in my idea of her, in my. Yeah. In this sort of experience I'm having with her.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it feels important. I'm going to check in with her. She hated men too. That disconnect kept her from fully being able to receive this man while she was alive. So we're gonna bring in an alchemical resource for her to whatever timeline is timeline. It is for her that you are also connected to where there will be atonement and pardoning. Pardoning yourselves for hating men and pardoning the men that have hurt you, not. Not in a way of they're off the hook, but that the energy won't keep going towards a repeating pattern.
Amy Babish:
And then you'll be able to right size your relationship with men and she'll be able to right size her relationship with men so she can actually be with the man she loves. And you will be able to see the man that is for you clearly. And the men who are not for you will just. They won't. You won't miss that. They're not for you. Like you're gonna be like, oh, that guy's not for me. You won't get entangled with any confusing men.
Amy Babish:
You won't get, you know, in a hot and heavy romance with someone who really doesn't want to be with you. You won't do any of that anymore. So we're asking for an alchemical resource. And the alchemical resource is the goddess Isis. And Isis is kind of like a no, no person. So she is going to help transmute the confusion that you both have carried that it's like self righteousness of I'm so good and men are so bad. But if it's such a binary, then you can never be with a man. And so it's going to give you the boundaries for the men that you're not supposed to be connected to and allow you to see men as whole people, real people, and that you are a real person, that she's a real person, that it's fun to frolic on the beach and around sometimes.
Amy Babish:
But we can't have a real life if we're only in the fantasy.
Jessie:
You're telling me.
Amy Babish:
Yes. So Isis is going to come and help with that for both of you.
Jessie:
Story of my life. Amy, what's going on?
Amy Babish:
And so alchemy sometimes can be a feeling. Sometimes she might bring in an element, but she will literally clear the confusion that you've carried and the righteousness and kind of like the mantle you've carried for this past life version of yourself.
Jessie:
I'm seeing men as children.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
Like I guess prior to patriarchal conditioning or, you know.
Amy Babish:
Many of those men went through starvation, hunger. Many, many, many, many men I work with have been sexually abused. Like it just is cultural in some places. That's the way that men were initiated to being soldiers into war. That is the way that men kept from hurting women. But they hurt young boys. And many men had to provide for the family when there was no, there was starvation, when there was war, when there was hunger. Conquer.
Amy Babish:
And so that hardens survival, hardens people. And the confusion of modern times is that we make them into the bad ones. We're doing what they did to us. And so this is the victim, perpetrator bond.
Jessie:
So, Isis, I felt like a heaviness in my forehead as you were saying those things.
Amy Babish:
It really blocks your ability to see and to be seen when you carry this patterning that you're either all good or you're all bad. And when we're all good or all bad, then where do we land? Not real. We're not real people. And you want a real relationship, you want real purpose, you want a real job. And she wants a real afterlife. She wants the love story for the ages in the afterlife. She's like a silver haired diva. I can feel her.
Amy Babish:
And he's like this, just wonderful, wonderful.
Jessie:
Wow.
Amy Babish:
I wish I could see an older man like that. Wow. So this is helping you to, to see the wholeness of people. And she couldn't see that with her lived experience either. It's not to say that patriarchy isn't a part of it, but patriarchy was created by really horrible things that humans did to each other.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
What do you notice in your body?
Jessie:
I get an overwhelming sense of this gentleman that she's with gets it. Like he gets that the world interacts with her and him differently and he almost like keeps her safe from it, you know, like shelters her from it or interacts with her in a way that. Yeah. Like I think she's reaching a realization that she can have fun and be in love and be safe. Yeah. And be safe.
Amy Babish:
He's a whole man and he sees her as a whole woman.
Jessie:
Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And can you see the change in her when we name this?
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Jessie:
Very much so.
Amy Babish:
So now we're going to transition. She gets to say whatever she wants to say to you. It could be like, this has been great. It could be a blessing. She could send you off with a gift. But you guys are going to begin to transition and before you leave, she can do that part first. And then we have a second.
Jessie:
So two things I feel like she's telling me.
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Jessie:
The first one is that there's a love like this out there for you.
Amy Babish:
Yep.
Jessie:
And the second one is that your life can be the holiday like she's. Because I'm getting the sense that this was like her escape, like this beach that she's on this summer fling or whatever it was, was an escape from her real life. And she's telling me that your day to day life, like, not that you will just be on the beach all day kissing men, but like you, you know, there, there can be the holiday in your everyday life. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And you can ask her. You can say, would you be willing to help me? You and your partner? Could you guys help me magnetize the man I'm supposed to be with? You get to ask her. And she can say yes or no. Help me help him to see me and help me not to miss him.
Jessie:
They've chuckled and they've said yes, yes, yes.
Amy Babish:
They like to be of service sometimes in the afterlife.
Jessie:
Yeah. But they've also said, you'll know when you see him.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, you'll. You'll know. Now, does she have any words of wisdom around your purpose?
Jessie:
I feel like she's encouraging me to be around women or to help women.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Jessie:
But I don't understand in what context.
Amy Babish:
So she feels like she wants to be a guide for you. You can ask her about it.
Jessie:
She's telling me that it will help me make sense of some of the confusion I feel with my family. Because when I think about like my, the deceased women in my life, it's very complex because I don't relate to a lot of them because of the cultural conditioning that they've had. And she's telling me that almost like it's okay. Like I am, I'm normal, like, you know, normal for me. Like, you know, the way she's living and what she's doing.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
I feel an affinity to her, but not in a maternal way or something. I don't know how to. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
The word for it. I, I feel she, she's willing to be a guide for you.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's going to be a relationship that you're going to cultivate. Yeah, it's like, it's not like, it's like great for practicing. Not that you're going to date her, but it's like a one step at a time. Are you willing? I'm willing. Hey, let's get to know each other more. Hey, I'm confused about this. Hey, can you help me with this? Hey, this is my reflection on this. Hey, let me help you see this differently.
Amy Babish:
It's like a one step at a time building process.
Jessie:
I'm getting a vibe from both of them, actually. Like a loving aunt and uncle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
They're both willing to be on Your guidance team.
Jessie:
Yeah. And I get a very strong sense that they don't have children.
Amy Babish:
Yep. No children.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And they're both light workers, so. Yeah, that's. That's going to be a piece of the puzzle that's been missing for you. So we're gonna. We're gonna do the next layer. And so you're gonna say just to her, thank you for bringing me here. I see that you're sorted. I see you're all set.
Amy Babish:
I see you with your beloved, however you want to say it. And I'm ready to take the soul fractal.
Jessie:
Yeah. She's telling me to take it back and to live a big life.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And so sometimes it just comes in like. Like champagne bubbles or glitter or sometimes it looks like molasses. You're going to feel it come back into your body. You might see it, you might smell it, you might taste it.
Jessie:
I feel the pressure in my chest.
Amy Babish:
Yep. Yeah.
Jessie:
But I. I know I'm like. I feel like I'm hugging her.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. It's like a. Your soul fractal is like a hug.
Jessie:
Yeah. And it feels like maybe like a stream of honey or beer or like. Yeah. Like. Yes.
Amy Babish:
Yes. And so this is the warm hug that you wanted.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
That she's always available to give you. The warm hug.
Jessie:
I feel like it's a warm. It's a crisp beer on a hot summer's day.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. It's refreshing.
Jessie:
Yeah, it's refreshing.
Amy Babish:
It's not a shock to the system, but this is a new vibration of safety and love and connection that she's giving to you. It's. She didn't have that before. We. We helped her to transmute that. And so you can tell her I'm. I'm gonna go, but we're gonna connect, and so you can. You can find a cadence with her.
Amy Babish:
It might be in the water. It might be when you're walking. It might be during contemplation time. Might be just when you're driving. Different. Different people connect with their guides in different ways, but you two will find your rhythm and. Or you three will find your rhythm. But I can feel that she's really willing, and it would be a big resource for you.
Jessie:
Yeah. Why does he strike me as Australian?
Amy Babish:
I. I do feel like he's Australian. And what. I. I feel like he was trying to give you Marmite as part of his gift. Yeah.
Jessie:
So not just that, but, like, I get, like, a very, like, Aussie larrikin. Doesn't take things too seriously. Just rolls his sleeves up and get things done.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
And I'm always very attracted to men like that. Like.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, it's from this past life.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you felt like they were in Malibu. I actually felt like maybe they were on the Golden Coast. She could time travel. She could walk within worlds like that.
Jessie:
Wow. Yeah. So it's funny you say that. I love the warmth. I love the beach, and I'm stuck at the south of Australia, and I'm freezing cold all the time.
Amy Babish:
So that might be something to noodle on, too.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's. It's. I'm gonna just check. Your parents actually feel like they've. They've witnessed you do a lot today, and your bloodline just felt like you've done a lot. So they don't. They don't feel like they need anything from you right now, but you can just openly say to those lineages, I may. I know you might not have understood what I just did, but anybody that needs any of these resources, they can have whatever they.
Amy Babish:
They would like. And you can say it in any language. You can say it however you'd like. You can write it down.
Jessie:
They're very skeptical because she's so different.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So this is part of the confusion that a lot of lineages have that, like, we're so insular that no one can understand our problems. But you are the link. You needed to be freed from her, and you got the resources. You needed the resources, and so you're bringing those resources back. So it goes way beyond your immediate family, Jesse. So there's thousands of lineage right here, right now. And so whoever wants to receive the ocean waters, the boulder, the yellow golden light, Isis showing that men are once boys that were mistreated, anything around the, like, the warm hug, all those resources available, they don't have to take all of them.
Amy Babish:
They don't even have to take one of them. But I can feel even five generations back, they want them, and that's it. No one's being forced.
Jessie:
There's a lot of discomfort in terms of, like, race. Of, like, you don't look like me. You live in a way that's different to me. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
And it's bringing up stuff for me, feeling, like, growing up or even in the way I dealt with the assault and everything, and me estranging my family. There was a lot of this sentiment of, like, is there anything Punjabi about you? Like, your views are so. And a lot of, like, you went overseas to study, and therefore you have all these liberal views, you know, like.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, so you're on right now. Can you feel you're only listening to this group right here?
Jessie:
Yeah. There's so many of them, though.
Amy Babish:
That's okay. They're allowed to be many.
Jessie:
Yeah, right.
Amy Babish:
You wouldn't be.
Jessie:
And on the other side is just her and her beloved.
Amy Babish:
So if you just. You just tell them, we can't get into this right now. I know you're upset with me. Still, there are many behind you that want this. That's between you and them, not between you and me. You're. I'm not actually trying to bully you into taking anything. So this is you learning how to set the boundaries, because you just got a huge gift from your past self, past life.
Amy Babish:
Self. Feel in that. And then it's almost as if you're saying, this is the boundary. And when it's time, you will do another layer of work with your blood lineage. But it was not time. Today.
Jessie:
I feel like I'm reassuring them that I am still Punjabi and I still love my culture, and I can have both.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, you're not all or nothing. You're a very complex person, and the next generation always evolves, and it's hard for the previous generation to accept that. And you're not doing it out of disrespect. You have a deeper compassion now for what their struggles have been and why they are the way they are. So you're not trying to change them. It's different now. And. And today this is all we can do.
Jessie:
They're not.
Amy Babish:
They're not ready. And we don't want to take away from what you just did. And we're asking for them to respect your process. They don't have to agree with it. They don't have to like it. They don't have to trust it. But can they. Can they give you space? And can the ancestors that come before them help with this? I see a little smile happening.
Amy Babish:
What happens now?
Jessie:
I feel this discussion amongst them of like, well, let her just try it. It hasn't worked too well for us, so let her just, you know.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. They're giving you some grace.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Because what I would say to them, if it really was about them, the field would have shown us. So this is part of the medicine for you, Jesse, and for many of us, myself included. It's taking our biological family off the hook. It doesn't mean that there weren't things that were not okay, but they're not the source of all of this. This is not the. The field showed us that was not the base of where this comes from for you, it's a contributing factor. It's a repetition. But the origins of this, for you, are a past life.
Amy Babish:
And you're. You're not all the way there yet, but you're. You're able to have some distance with them and say, I can see it doesn't all come from you. You guys. And they're just. It's like, cut us a break. And they can't maybe say those words, but that's what I'm feeling from them. So it's the humility of.
Amy Babish:
It's much more complicated than I thought. It's not actually all about the patriarchy. It's, like, much more complicated than that.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And so it doesn't mean that everything's tied up with a bow or anything like that, but it's like, this is. I see I chose this lineage. I see I had a lifetime that was very complicated. That's like revolving doors. I was isolated. I couldn't speak up there either. I couldn't be with my beloved there either. It actually hasn't.
Amy Babish:
It's the flavor of it is Punjabi, Sikh family this time. But that lifetime, I wasn't that. And I still had the same life. So it's not all your fault, guys. That's the humility. It doesn't mean anything about the assault. Like, the assault should not have happened the way it happened, Jesse. And all of the.
Amy Babish:
The knots that you tied together around it with your systemic field are actually dissolving. There's things that need to be sorted and. And repaired, and there's entanglements that need to be worked through with them. But it's not about this intention.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Which are.
Jessie:
Are.
Amy Babish:
This is how entanglements work. We create this box where this is the truth, but if it were the truth, we could move it forward. It's just not the whole truth. So there's a deeper root system to why this. Why your lived experience kept on looking like, well, if this would have been different, I would have purpose. I would feel safe at home. I would have a loving relationship. I would have community.
Amy Babish:
And now we've gone back and said, oh, the origins of how to. How to repair this and how to rearrange it are not with my blood lineage. It's back here. And can I let that come into my body? Can I be with those resources? And it. Whatever we have to do with your, you know, ancestral line, your blood lineage, that will become apparent, but it. It's actually not with this.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And so it takes the heat and the pressure off of them. And it's like it's going to give you some space. And with the constellation process, it never makes linear sense ever. Even if we just would have done you in love, we could do two. A two thing constellation. So it's rearranging in a way that is beyond our minds or our ego's ability to. To comprehend it and really to be with the four forward movement of. You have a rearranging.
Amy Babish:
You have the blessings of two new guides. You have more of your soul back. That's what you want to take forward. It's like a forward movement, a forward image of you seeing them. You're like, that's the kind of thing I want. And I see she could have it. We freed her. I don't know how it's going to happen for me, but I'm.
Amy Babish:
I want that. I want to receive that. And so it's less about what just, just happened. And it's like, can you let that progression come in? How does it land when I name it that way?
Jessie:
Good. But I think I also have this like all or nothing mentality. So there's also a part of me that's like I should move to the gold curse and fall in love. You know.
Amy Babish:
But so just like I said after our 16 month process, don't make any decisions.
Jessie:
I know. Absolutely.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So this isn't a 90 day thing, but I would say give it at least 27 days.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And just notice like things might this seem completely unrelated. Might become like, oh, I'm habitually doing this or oh, like I'm decided I want to plan a vacation to the ocean. Or I met the most amazing Australian guy and he loves the ocean. So you just kind of, kind of like let the flow flow. And it's, it's. Sometimes the field will tell us you should do this. Your field did not tell us that. Your field's like, let the flow flow.
Amy Babish:
Let life life. And it's going to unfold. And it's okay to be skeptical. It's okay to be all or nothing. Those are other things. We didn't come in with those intentions. We came in with these intentions. And I have done so many constellations over the years.
Amy Babish:
That sometimes works immediately. Jesse. And sometimes it's like it's going to take like 25 constellations. Everybody's system is different. There's not like a gold star for anything. So this is your first personal constellation. You did constellations with us as a group. Those were still for you.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And this is like a nugget of a nugget of something that's been really complex for you. And now we know not just in this lifetime, but in that lifetime. So it had really like a lot of longevity just beyond, beyond epigenetics. It is in your systemic field that this was like now dissolving. And so it's like this is something where you want to really hydrate, you want to take care of yourself because you have just released being stuck and lonely and never meeting someone, like that's a pretty big thing.
Jessie:
Yep.
Amy Babish:
So it's like how that's. It's like that is a precious thing. It's like, oh, okay. This is how I'm going to integrate this. I am going to really make sure I hydrate. Low alcohol if not no alcohol, low caffeine if not no caffeine. I'm going to take care of the physical body because I want to have this in my physical life. This was in the spiritual life, the energetic life.
Amy Babish:
And now I am going to become the woman who understands that men are whole people and that I'm a whole person.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And I'm not. Good thing. I'm. It's not the old times. I'm not marrying anyone in my family. They don't have to understand that yet. That's not the first step. Right.
Amy Babish:
Like, I want perhaps a hot Australian man who's ready to like be with this hot Singaporean, Sikh, Punjabi, third generation woman. Like, I'm here for that.
Jessie:
That's all I've ever wanted in line.
Amy Babish:
Well, you know, it's like there were a lot of things that were hidden in plain sight and that's the humanity.
Jessie:
So funny though, because I have always been attracted to a certain type of man. I've always been attracted to the water. I've always had a fear of drowning. I've. Yeah. Like so many things being pieced together and even the stuff you said about my lineage about the mental illness and stuff. I have a very vivid memory of my grandmother's brother in Amritsar in Punjab, living in his brother's home, like in an upstairs bedroom, secluded from everyone, with clearly very tricky mental health issues like non verbal and had like all these new paper clippings up on his walls. And I remember being there as a teenager on my.
Jessie:
One of my first trips. So it could have been my first trip to India with my mom. And the meeting him was almost just as a formality and he was kind of like sequestered to like, you know, the upstairs bedroom in the house. And it was just kind of like seen as something had happened to him and he was never just able, he was never able to get over it or he just didn't have a business mind or couldn't get on with it or whatever the case may be. But I always had that kind of niggling feeling of like worry or concern about him and he's now passed away. But also that kind of like cover up for him or the making excuses or they're not talking about it. And I, I see like mental health issues play out in my mother's side of the family a lot and even in me, you know, in some ways. But yeah, so this, yeah, there's definitely things that we've talked about that I feel within me but I maybe didn't name or.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, like the layers of weaving and complexity just go beyond what Western, Western psychology can understand. And I'm not, you know, I was a psychotherapist for 20 years, so I'm not here like bashing any of that. But there's a time and a place when sometimes it is just human, just bloodlineage, just this lifetime. But oftentimes with the kind of people that I attract, very complex, very complex. And so constellation work is such a powerful modality to be able to say I've been at this thing for a long time and I was convinced that this was the reason and I've done everything to throw it at this thing. If it was really this thing, it probably would have moved because I'm a pretty powerful person. And so this allows us to be like, oh, it's much bigger and it's much more complicated than I could have ever understood. Even the wisest of the wise, right? So it's, it's that you're willing now and you don't need to be right and you don't need it to be one way.
Amy Babish:
And you trust me that I don't need it to be one way either. I have no agenda, I have no idea what's going to happen. And so for those of you listening, if you've had something complicated like this, like Jesse, you know, you're ready to do a constellation when you're willing. And even if you need help with not being so self righteous or write all the the time, you're like, this isn't working for me. I want more life back. I'm ready for my partner, I'm ready for my purpose, I'm ready to know where I should live, what, whatever it is, I'm ready to reconcile my health. All of this can be really facilitated by constellation work. So thank you for this wild ride, Jesse.
Amy Babish:
Looks like you're going to just say something.
Jessie:
No, thank you, Amy. This has been, wow, crazy. This was not what I was expecting at all.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Jessie:
But it's opened up so many things for me to think about. And I never thought I'd say this, but I think in a way, I'm almost glad that I didn't do a constellation on the retreat, because I feel like this version of a constellation where it's met me at the time in my life, and also my readiness, but also my integration of maybe some things that we've worked on. And frankly, also, even just like, all the things that have been happening in my life. It was almost like me crumbling on my knees, being like, please, just help a girl out. Like, what is going on? You know? Yes. And I think that I get a sense that maybe my guides, like, took pity on me or something, and we're just like.
Amy Babish:
I wouldn't say they took pity, but they were like, let's do this, girl.
Jessie:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Systemic field, which includes, you know, your ancestor, your blood, ancestors, all of the ancestors, and your true self, your highest self, your soul, whatever, your wise woman, whatever word you'd like to use to describe her, and all of the beings and helpers that want to help. That's the field I set. Before we do this work. My whole field's here. All of my, you know, everyone that is here on Team Jesse is here through all the realms. I don't play around. I'm here to be of service, get you done. Right.
Jessie:
Thank you so much, Amy. You have such a gift.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. Thank you for trusting me. And, yes, I will close this up on the podcast. So for those of you listening, I haven't done an episode in a hot minute, and we are meeting on the evening before I am launching my annual group for 2026. This past year, 2025, it was called the Soulful Visionary Collective. It's 13 women who do a hybrid between meeting at my house on the weekends and then also meeting virtually. Jesse was a part of a global group that we met globally as a group twice a month, virtually, for 16 months. And then we met in one destination for one week with 34 women.
Amy Babish:
So I have different offerings. So if you're curious about these things, hop onto my newsletter. This year's offering is going to be called or 2026's offering is going to be called the Women's Legacy Collective. And again, it's 13 women. And I am feeling into for the first time in my life offering a training. So if you're wondering how do I do what I do, the training is coming. My newsletter is the best way and I will be having a another group but it has not fully formed yet which will be more accessible for people who are in other parts of the world not accessible to where I live on Doeg land outside of Washington DC. Thank you so much for being with us.
Amy Babish:
Please save this episode, download it, comment onto, share it with people, and really know that as the world becomes more complex, we need more opportunities to gather together and to get the support that's right here waiting to help with your systemic field. So until we speak again, send you blessings from the Doeg land that I steward and the magic garden in the front of my yard and all of the plants and bees and trees and the spirit of autumn and discernment and right sizing grief and joy. Until then, thank you, thank you, thank you. That's all for this episode of the Soulful Visionary Podcast. If you found value in today's episode and are ready to delve deeper into aligning your inner world and environment, please subscribe to this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Your subscription helps us to reach more soulful visionaries like yourself, and if you've been inspired by what you heard, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could leave a review. Your feedback not only helps others discover this podcast, but also guides me in creating content that truly resonates with you. I'll catch you in the next episode as we continue to unlock the love, purpose and fulfillment you deeply crave.