What Will Happen if I Speak the Truth
The field will always correct itself. It’s stronger than our brains and egos.
Today I’m joined by my guest, Emily, whom I’ve known for a few years. We’ve worked with each other in groups and at retreats—both virtually in person. It’s an honor to have her here today!
Emily’s intention for this session is quite specific, which lends itself to being a powerful catalyst for one-to-one constellation work sessions.
As you’ll hear, this is a very delicate entanglement around voice. And it’s such a beautifully perfect example of an entanglement.
Before you tune in with us, I want to share this quote that was a resource during this session:
“Lord our God, hear my prayer, the prayer of my heart. Bless the largeness inside me, no matter how I fear it. Bless my reed pens and my inks. Bless the words I write. May they be beautiful in your sight. May they be visible to eyes not yet born. When I am dust, sing these words over my bones: she was a voice.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Book of Longings
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» wander down the research rabbit hole
» find yourself wondering if you’re “qualified” enough
» often feel lethargic when you’re wanting to create something
» want to live into your voice without any fear or anxiety
» have an internal struggle with procrastination
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
What Emily’s intention is for the session
How Emily started to notice everything playing into her intention
What’s getting in the way of Emily’s intention
What Amy notices about clients who are peri- or postmenopausal
What it’s like to experience an entanglement
What a 1:1 entanglement is like
How you can know something is a resource from your systemic field
How you can best communicate with souls during a constellation session
What it feels like to receive your soul fractal back
How your ancestors can receive the resource from a past life constellation
I think this session is going to touch so many lives! There are many people I work with who realize that their way of “being” is just to be on all the time.
Or who may have kept their mom, dad, or someone else on the hook (so to speak) for something that happened early in life—only to later realize that they were entangled with an ancestor or past life version of themselves.
There were so many relatable themes here today! From struggles with over-giving, over responsibility, self-punishment, being disconnected from your magic, moving as a child, not being connected to one parent as a child, being an outlaw in some way…
I hope that this episode was meaningful and that you received the beautiful resources and forward movement for your own life.
To book your own constellation process, explore the Alchemical Constellation Gateway.
If you’re unsure where to begin, sign up for a free Consultation Call. And if this episode resonates, please leave a review on your favorite platform and share this episode with those who you think might benefit.
Until we meet again, I'm sending so much gentleness, joy, and connection with the land.
Resources:
Connect with Amy:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows
Amy Babish:
Have you ever felt like there's something more just waiting to be unlocked in your life? Like no matter how much you've accomplished, a deeper potential is calling. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast, where I guide you to align with your authentic self and create a life of purpose, love, and lasting impact. A life where you can truly soar beyond what your mind can comprehend. I'm your host, Amy Babish, a licensed psychotherapist and an expert in somatic coaching, feng shui, and wisdom traditions. With over 20 years of experience guiding thousands of clients through soul level transformation. Each week we'll dive into potent practices, live client sessions, and insightful conversations to help you dissolve intergenerational patterns and transcend your upper limits so that you can live the big life you're meant to live. Tune in and let's unlock your inner wisdom together. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast.
Amy Babish:
I'm your host, Amy Babish, and welcome back. Or welcome in if this is your first time or if you're returning. I am here today with my guest, Emily. Emily and I have known each other for a few years and we have worked with each other in groups and in retreats, both virtually in a person. So it is an honor to have Emily here today. Welcome in, Emily.
Emily:
Thank you. It's great to be here, Amy.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so we're going to. We're going to dive right in, and we always begin with intention. So could you tell me and the listeners what your intention is for the work today?
Emily:
Okay, so my intention is to. To. Is to live into my voice without any fear, without any anxiety. I've always. For me, it's always been anxiety. But obviously in. In the session that we had be. You know, before this, the.
Emily:
When you had mentioned terr, it made so much sense given that visceral experience that I had. And I'm starting to recognize that I'm supposed to write a book. And this book baby has been waiting for me and I'm ready to write her. There's also possibly postgraduate studies in the mix as well, but the terror doesn't extend as much when I think about that as what it does when I think about my book baby. And so I just. In Sumang kid's book, the Book of Longings, she speaks about that. That living into a voice, and I want to be able to do that. I had the quote, but I put it somewhere.
Emily:
I don't know where I put it now, so I'm not going to worry about it. But that's honestly been what's Been with me since our last retreat. It actually came up afterwards because anxiety did come up at the retreat, but I didn't. Yeah, I thought it was quite an intellectual anxiety, but when it. When I actually experienced it in my body, I was like, whoa, this is much deeper than I had actually thought it was in the past. Yeah. So that's my intention.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. This is amazing. And I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask next. You've done a great job of talking about, like, naming it, but what gets in the way? Either when you go to use your voice, you go to write the book, you go to imagine the book. Tell me what gets in the way.
Emily:
So the one thing that always pops up is, who am I to do this? So am I qualified enough? Do I know enough? Do I have something unique to say? Because there are so many other people that have possibly said something similar. So why should I put out? You know, what would be special about what I would put out? So that's usually one of the big ones that comes up. Then when I've kind of like got that, you know, I've got the energy going, and then the next morning I'll wake up and I don't want to get out of bed. I just feel tired. I'll often feel lethargic, and then I'll just put it off or something else more urgent will come up. And suddenly I'm down another rabbit hole when it comes to research. Oh, maybe I don't know enough about this. So let me go and research and then find like a million books and then attempt to start reading the first book and then can't even get through that.
Emily:
And so then the project gets postponed because I don't know enough about that topic. And I need to give myself space to read more, to have more conversations. So that research rabbit hole is one that I've gone down many, many times in the past. Yeah. So the procrastination, sometimes it can come in the form of suddenly there are loads of people that I need to help. So then my calendar gets full, and then I've got a very good reason why I'm tired. So then I'm not going to still add more. So then the project just gets postponed again and again and again.
Amy Babish:
This is so helpful because I think many people listening have many of the things that you're speaking about. Maybe not all in one. Some people definitely all in one. I can feel that. But you know, how many people have so many books that they've bought but they never finish? Or how many people Want to have a big dream or a big longing that is right there, but then something unconsciously terrifying is right there, saying, oh, there's so many other priorities. Or it's too, like, who am I to. To get up on this day and do this? So I'm going to just stay in bed. And another thing that comes through is you are.
Amy Babish:
Are you postmenopausal or. Perry. Perry. I think that many people listening are perimenopausal or postmenopausal. And when we get into that phase of life, it's like we're done with our own. And so I think that at the retreat, it came as like, a ping. Oh, I have this big anxiety I have to work through. But in the months since we've had the retreat, I feel like your essence, your true self, your wise woman, your soul is starting to roar.
Emily:
Yes, I could. Oh, like, most definitely, like, my meter, it, like, broke after, you know, the retreat. I'm just like. So that's been. That's been what's been strange for me about this because, you know, it's like I am fully owning my space. I am always choosing myself first. So if I feel that I've got capacity to do something, then I'll say yes. So.
Emily:
So that's why this, like, whole, like, this project not getting started has been so strange, because I actually don't have that many in inverted commas, responsibility outside of what I need to do at home. You know, what my. What my responsibilities are. I haven't taken on anything extra. So that's also been like one of those weird things, like I'm putting myself first. So why, you know, why is this not happening? You know, because this is something that I want to do. But clearly there's something. There's something going on.
Amy Babish:
This is the perfect example of an entanglement, okay? Because everywhere else, you're. You have agency, you have clarity, you check with. Is this, you know, aligned for me? Is this true for me? If it is a yes, I easily move forward. But if it's a no, I don't do it. So this is kind of the unique. The only unique situation where you're. Where you feel like it's not working. Like, what's up here? What's going on here? So this is.
Amy Babish:
This is a perfect example. So for those of you who haven't listened before, entanglement means that we are. We have an intention. That's clear. Emily does. She wants to write a book, and she's been plagued with anxiety, terror her whole life. Around her voice. And this book will be these are my words, not Emily's words.
Amy Babish:
A full on expression of her voice and her Emily ness with the subject matter and with her wisdom around it, all of her academic training in it, all of her discernment in it. And that's really potent. So it's kind of like we've been, you've brought yourself to the fire. And the second we really say, I'm ready to do this, it's almost like a cosmic rubber band or like a boomerang where whoever we are entangled with, whatever we are entangled with, we, we go to step really forward into the intention. Writing your book using your voice. And like a boomerang or a rubber band, their unlimited destiny comes into your lived experience. But we think, oh, this is my life, this is my circumstance. I've always struggled with anxiety.
Amy Babish:
Of course I'm going to do a big thing. And now rationally, of course, the anxiety is so big, it's actually in fact terror. So we make it, we make it, we make ourselves think that it's us. It's an Emily thing, it's a human thing. So what we're going to do today is a constellation, a one to one constellation. And we're going to feel into where does this belong? What is at the root of this? Who does this belong to? And so the first step is we're going to, we're going to tune into. We're both of the age. And for those of you who are listening, who are not of the age, because I found out I have a nine year old listener, it is a peer of mine and her daughter loves listening to my podcast and I feel so honored.
Amy Babish:
Like, talk about creating change. A nine year old who is getting deep into ancestral work and really understanding that she can be free from these things and move forward in a potent way. So I, my heart just pounds when I say that because you and I both have daughters and to all the people listening who think this is inner child work, it is, it goes way beyond inner child work. We are going to the root of the root of the root. So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to tune in like on a radio dial, like 96.1. And for those of you who don't know what a radio dial is, it's a dial. So we're going to tune into your intention, Emily. I want to live into my voice without any fear and any anxiety.
Amy Babish:
Recognize. I'm supposed to write this book. This is my book, baby. It's been ready. I'm ready, and perhaps postgraduate studies are involved, but that's. That's everything. You presenced. And you want to live more into your voice.
Amy Babish:
We just presence it twice because it was that potent for you. So you and I will both feel into it. We might get images, sensations, words. Your voice might want to say something. So we're going to feel into. What is. What is this? What is the field, your systemic field, telling us about this?
Emily:
It. I'm only feeling sensations in the right side of my body, Amy.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And what. What's the quality of them?
Emily:
Yeah, so I'm feeling an ache in this part of my hand. I'm feeling a kind of a strange sensation in my right. I'm gonna just. I'm gonna just use the word. My right nipple, it feels like it's tingling. And as I'm speaking to you, it feels like there's a heaviness. I'm almost feeling like there's something that. That's kind of like pulling on the.
Emily:
On the right side of my face. It's. It almost felt like. Like some of the muscles wanted to, like, slide down. Yeah, that's. I mean, out of. I'm just feeling stuff on my right side. I'm feeling sort of pain at the top of my right foot.
Amy Babish:
It's.
Emily:
It's very weird because it's. I'm just very aware of the right side of my body.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, it's very. It's very active. The field is engaging, and if it ever becomes too intense, you can just say to your field, you do not have to cause pain for me to pay attention.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
Set those limits.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
Would you like to know what I got? It's up to you. There's no. There's no attachment.
Emily:
Yes. Yes.
Amy Babish:
So I heard very clearly. This is about control and being controlled.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
That's what I heard. But, you know, we don't. I'm not reading into it, but that's. It's like this is a data point.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
And how does it land in your body? What. Anything happen with the sensations when I name that?
Emily:
Yeah, I'm kind of feeling almost like a. A nausea. I felt almost like my right tonsil was tickling a bit. And control is. It is a word that. I've had many different thoughts and reflections on the word control over the years. I. In, especially in high anxiety situations, I am very controlling.
Emily:
If even in high emotive situations, I can kind of shut down the emotions and go completely into, okay, what needs to happen next. Okay, let's okay. What's the next thing that needs to be done? What's the next thing that needs to be done? So that's kind of my fallback. I feel a lot more comfortable in situations that I can control. Well, I think I'm in control in those situations, but I feel a lot more comfortable in those spaces. So being in. If I think about the book, baby, the only control I have is what comes out of my mouth. I have no control over the reception of it.
Emily:
And I think that's, that's where a lot of what I fear is that.
Amy Babish:
This is very, very helpful and very important. So if you. We cannot control, because we've talked about this many, in many layers, in many different contexts, not with you and I one on one, but, um, many people are entangled with control or being controlled. So this, this will land deeply because of power dynamics, because of systemic things, because of family things, because of religious things, because, because, because, because we have the confusion that our own agency won't keep us safe.
Emily:
Won't.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, well, we have the confusion that it will not.
Emily:
Oh, okay.
Amy Babish:
And so agency, capacity, willingness, life force is this life giving. Those kind of discerning qualities, they get kind of lost in the sauce and it becomes very binary. And so when I, when I hear you specifically say I only have control of what comes out of my mouth, the question that comes to me is if you could set an intention around how would you like your book to be received? How would you, and it's not about control. If you, if you could dial in, this is my intention and this is who. This is how I would like the ripple effect to be, or this is who I would like to read the book, or this is the discourse around it.
Emily:
Okay. Okay. I would like those who read it to experience a deeper awareness of their worth, particularly women or those who identify as women. I would like, I would like patriarchal systems to shake in their boots when they read this book. Because I would like it to be an invitation to people to become completely open to the fullness that there is in God and in life, that we can deeply trust our intuition when it comes to God. We do not need systems as mediators to God that we can connect with God because God is so deeply within us. I would like it to ignite a movement where women's dignity is restored in such a way that it actually will have an impact on things like gender based violence. So I don't only want my book to be read by women because the fullness of life and the Fullness of who God is is something that should be embraced by everyone regardless of their gender.
Emily:
And yeah, that, that slowly but surely people's hearts and minds will change so that we will actually see a dec.
Amy Babish:
In.
Emily:
Gender based violence in patriarchal systems being dismantled within religious spaces where women will just feel completely free to bring. To bring their full selves into whatever space they go into. That's my deep, deep hope. It's a big hope for what at the moment feels like a very small book. But yeah, that, that this book will be a catalyst for those hopes that I have.
Amy Babish:
I Deeply, deeply, deeply, I feel the resonance, I feel the potentiality and I feel how you came alive. And it said that's. That'll be a nugget to really sit with around. You're inviting people to receive this.
Emily:
And.
Amy Babish:
That'S very different than being controlled.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
So when we start to get into the binary thinking, that's how we know when entanglements there. That's the beauty of this. It's like it's low, low hanging fruit. So it's. Let's go in and we'll, we'll see if it's on one of your, one of your lines.
Emily:
Yeah, I just. Sorry, Amy. I found, I found the quote.
Amy Babish:
Of course I remember when I read.
Emily:
It, I had such a strong response to it that I actually had to put the book down for a while before I actually had the courage to pick it up again. So it's, it's in the form of a prayer, but so it says, lord our God, hear my prayer. The prayer of my heart. Bless the largeness inside me, no matter how I fear it. Bless my read pins and my inks. Bless the words I write. May they be beautiful in your sight. May they be visible to eyes not yet born.
Emily:
When I am dust. Sing these words over my bones. She was a voice.
Amy Babish:
That's amazing. My heart is like. My heart is weeping with reference. Yeah. And those are Sue Monk kids words.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Because those could be Emily's words. They could.
Emily:
I mean they've. It's. I've been. Yeah, I've been sitting with those words since I did it. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
I would recommend that those become your screensaver on your phone. So then it's really, it's having more direct. Because this, this everything that we name in our time together is really like a precise gift from the systemic field. So your field is letting us know that this is a resource. It's a resource for you, it's resource for me, it's a resource for those listening and it's a resource for the systemic field around these deeper intentions that you have for. For the impact and the catalysts that your book will be. So we'll just. We'll be with that.
Amy Babish:
So now we're going to close our eyes and we're going to presence your mom, her soul, her essence behind your left shoulder. And you're going to ask her, do you carry this entanglement with wanting to birth something really important, really, really significant, really, that will have a big ripple effect, but you're met with terror and. Or do you carry anxiety or terror around really using your voice?
Emily:
There's a. No. There's no response.
Amy Babish:
Okay, we're gonna. We'll do it just. We'll just do a little check and balance. We're gonna pull her, your parents, your grandparents behind her and just ask both of her parents, do either of them can carry it?
Emily:
No.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Emily:
I mean, I'm feeling a little. I'm feeling a strange feeling here, Amy, on the left side of my face. Yep. I think I just want to be careful that I don't. That I don't only hold what I know of my mom and my grand.
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Emily:
So to be. To be. To be truthful. Truth. As truthful as what I can be. I would. I wouldn't say that it's a complete. No.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to. I need to at least presence that.
Amy Babish:
Because it's important that this is really a really meaningful context because you know what they told you, you know something. And this specific entanglement is about using their voice. So if they are also entangled with not being able to fully use their voice or expressing their terror, are they even able to tell you right now?
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And I can feel a lot of sensation when I say that.
Emily:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Because it's not about. For those listening, it's not about like, we're trying to make something that doesn't exist. But this is a very delicate entanglement around voice.
Emily:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
And so it can be very complicated when we get into ancestral work where there is a. There's a nuance, and it's important that we don't overlook the nuance.
Emily:
Yeah. Okay. I think what. What. What I just need to clarify with you is that there is. There is like something specific in my maternal line that seems to have been prevalent on my mom's side of the family. I haven't heard much of this kind on my father's side of the story, but there's huge betrayal. So adultery is a.
Emily:
Is. Is kind of A big thing on the maternal line and not much divorce. So I think, I think in that sense I can almost imagine silenced, silenced stories on my mom. Cuz there was literally at my mom's funeral, these stories came pouring out at my mother's funeral that left my jaw hanging on the ground. These stories were not spoken before she passed on. So, so if anything, the, the, I can imagine that there would have been so much hurt around the woman just having to carry on and be silent while this was actually happening in our families. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So we're just going to honor the women in your maternal line who have been silenced because of, because of adultery and complexity and surviving in a very complex racialized society.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
Now we're going to tune into your dad. You're going to ask him, do you carry having like no true access to your voice, having anxiety around your voice? It might be about birthing something, it might be about other things.
Emily:
Yeah, I, I, it's a little bit, I think stronger on my dad's side in the sense that from the little that I know of the history of my family, particularly around racial identity, families being split apart, so some classified as the privileged in society and some classified as what would have been deemed an underclass, almost classified as subhuman. There's a lot of that, there's a lot of that pain on, in my dad's family. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
When I, when I was tuning in as we were speaking with the silencing of the maternal line around adultery, I, I didn't know who it was, but I could almost hear. We couldn't say anything because of the racialization.
Emily:
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's, it's both, both lineage have been silenced around complex systemic issues and complex family dynamics.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And so this is where, when we get into entanglement work, you know, I don't not here to say the truth that it is the truth. My experience is that when we, you know, before we incarnate, your soul says, hey, I want to work on my voice in this lifetime. And I've tried in other places, I've tried in other times. People who wants to help and your bloody linguist rose their hands really high and said we have trouble speaking up too. And it's like a two way street. So they're like, we, we will help you with the entanglement. Will you help us with our voice?
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And so it becomes very much kind of like a hall of mirrors at times because it seems even though in your situation you didn't know consciously growing Up. You didn't know about the adultery. You didn't.
Emily:
Correct. Right.
Amy Babish:
So, yeah, you understood the racialization of the society, but the degree of silencing maybe wasn't known until now. You're meeting your own voice that's been silenced.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm feeling an ache under my. My right breast now. Yeah. You know, as. As I speak this. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And, you know, when we have those kind of sensations in our gendered parts, it's oftentimes a very gendered issue. And so now you've had sensation both on. On both breasts. And so I can feel, you know, no doubt, that the men experienced a lot of racialization, trauma from racialization, but I can feel that this is really on the. On your paternal line. It's the women of the paternal line. And same with your. Your maternal line, it's the women of the maternal line.
Amy Babish:
And so out of loyalty, we carry this unresolved burden.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And what the beauty of constellation work is, is that we can come to this deeper understanding of we cannot go back to the past. There's no place that we probably could go in either line, either bloodline to say this is where it stopped. And so what we can say to both of your lineages right now is hold tight. We're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna work through this, but it's not gonna be with either line. We're not gonna pick favorites. We're gonna go to the root of this that you came in with in this lifetime, and then we'll come back to them when it's.
Amy Babish:
When it's alchemized.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
How does that land in you when I say that?
Emily:
It feels like a yes.
Amy Babish:
Yes. Yeah. So we're going to do a second tune in, and we're going to ask your systemic field to bring us to the lifetime where this started for you, where whatever it was around your voice. Voice. Around terror around your voice, it could. It could even be as specific as you were going to write a book or you published a book and you were in trouble. We don't know. So we're going to go in, we're going to ask the field to take us and give us as many.
Amy Babish:
As many. As much context as possible.
Emily:
Okay. Wow. The. The picture that I got was I was sitting on the ground and I had some kind of writing implements in my hand, but I can't. The word that came to mind was papyrus. Yeah. I saw the person was wearing what looked almost like a. A very plain white garment.
Emily:
The person's skin was quite. Was actually quite. Was darker than mine and had straight black hair longer than mine, but not, not past kind of like mid. Mid neck or chin. And the person was writing. Yeah, they were busy. They were busy sitting and writing. And something, something happened that caused her to pause.
Emily:
What she was doing, I. I haven't. I can't see beyond that yet. And the landscape was. She was sitting on what looked like to be quite dusty ground. And behind her there was like, almost like a tall grass. It wasn't wheat. It was a tall grass, but the grass was the color of wheat.
Emily:
So that was kind of just swaying in the background. So that's the first picture that I got.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. I got something a little bit more vague. Would you like to know mine or it's up to you.
Emily:
Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it was like the brightest blue sky I've ever seen. Really? Really, really. Like, I want to say like luminescent sunlight.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
So I feel like I was with the elements.
Emily:
Okay. Yeah. I mean it definitely. There was a quite a sort of sense of calm. And then suddenly there was this alertness. They came. Okay. Yeah.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
So our next steps are going to be. And you can keep your eyes opened or closed. Whatever feels most comfortable for you is that you're going to tell her who you are and that you are in the year 2025. And that you too share a soul.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
And that you're here because you are having trouble writing and birthing your book, which is really important. And she's a part of this.
Emily:
Do I have to say it out loud?
Amy Babish:
Oh, no, no. You can say to you. You can say it to yourself. Yeah.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
Okay. She just smiled now.
Amy Babish:
So sometimes when we meet ancestors or past life selves in the field, they don't know they're dead. So our next question to her is, does she know she's dead?
Emily:
Yeah. She became very sad.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. And ask her, does she know what time, what time period she's in or what place she's in? And it's. Sometimes they don't really know, but it can be a good point of reference.
Emily:
It was definitely Amy. A number came into my head, but now I'm second guessing myself because I studied so much. There's like a hundred dates in my head. But what came to mind was 700 B.C.
Amy Babish:
Okay, we're gonna just go with it because the, you know, as you know from group constellation work, the field will always correct itself.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
So. Yes. So our brain can get overactive and especially someone with as Much knowledge as you have. It's easy to be going to battle myself for this, for the truth of this. So the field is stronger than our brains, than our egos.
Emily:
So.
Amy Babish:
So does she. Can she tell us where she is or what she calls the land where she lives, what it's known to by her?
Emily:
No, I just heard the word home.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. So next we're gonna ask her to explain to us, like, what was the context of her life? What were the challenges? What does she know why she might have died or how she might have died?
Emily:
I think she thinks that she was quite an age when she passed away. She remembers memories of a carefree life. She was a happy girl. She. She loved words, and she was. She was taught how to write, even though it wasn't really encouraged, but her dad at least let her learn alongside other children. But it. The only other kind of sense that I get is like a regret that she was never able to.
Emily:
To be with the words and with the writing. So I. I'm almost getting the sense that when. When she was busy writing, she must have heard somebody coming and so she had to stop. That was kind of the first picture. But she died of old age, but she died a very sort of a life that, that all the other women around her lived.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Emily:
Wife, mother. She remembers grandmother. She, as a grandmother, but they weren't words in her life.
Amy Babish:
So I am getting a really clear sense of. She had a very fulfilling life in some ways. But I'm wondering if she had a dream about writing a book that she wasn't able to write, or writing or teaching writing, something like that. Can you ask her about that?
Emily:
You know, it was like. It was almost like it was a childhood dream, but. But it was kind of seen as just that, something that, that only. Only as a child could she engage or indulge. You know, she. She had to follow the path that sort of the customs had set for her. So I, I somehow I sense that she wanted her life to be very engaged with words, but it just wasn't. It wasn't allowed.
Amy Babish:
And because we know one of the things that is in the, like a block to your writing is the terror, I would like you to ask her.
Emily:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
Was she terrified of the cost if she was found out that she could write as a woman, the price she'd pay.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah. She says yes. I get the sense from her that only a few could do it. Only a few were allowed. She was never given the opportunity. And it just wasn't a place for women. They just it had never been before in her community. And even by the time she had reached that old age, they still wasn't, it still wasn't allowed.
Emily:
And so I think the terror. No, let me not do that. I think, Let me ask her. Just ask her. Let me ask. The terror was around losing her family, losing her community, the kinship ties. The terror was around being kind of ostracized if she even attempted to, to have a life surrounded by words in whatever form she would have wanted to exploit going into.
Amy Babish:
So now you can tell her how much that you are living out her destiny. You're terrified of paying a price. You won't even let yourself have the words. You really understand her terror and the systemic pieces with the church, with the patriarchy, not unlike what she faced. Different flavors, different context, but energy wise, very similar, you know? Yeah. What happens when you express that to her?
Emily:
I didn't even consider that it was that. Yeah. That, that that was what I was fearing or that that would, was possibly where the terror was coming from. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
This is how, this is how an entanglement works with loyalty. We're loyal to the terror because you, you and this woman share a soul. So your soul went on to have many love lifetimes, but this part of your shared soul is stuck with her and home in 700 BC. And so when you go to write in a very charged context in 2025, you are tied to her terror from 700 BC and it comes into your lived experience. And no wonder you're wanting to lay down because it's too much. And just as her life, the only option she had was to live her life, take care of her kids, be with her community. So your life goes into her life. Friends need you.
Amy Babish:
Priorities need you. Your daughter needs you. Life is lifing. And so writing has, there's no space for writing. So how does it land?
Emily:
Or even writing the topic. Yes. So the. Right.
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Emily:
Yeah, the writing on the topic. The writing itself is not a problem.
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Emily:
That's, yeah, it's, it's when I, when I consider writing this topic. Yes. You know that it just like, it just, it feels like it just bottoms out.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
Whatever is like in my gut or whatever. And I just like, I just feel like I can't breathe. You might die literally wanting to pull the blankets over my head. Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
This is life or death. So you can explain to her. This is what happens for you now when you go to write. She might hear you. Some, some, some ancestors that we're working with, they can hear us when we're talking, you and I. And sometimes you have to. You have to tell them in the field specifically. So you can just ask her.
Emily:
Okay, yeah. Shared me.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So this is where we get to bring in a resource. And it might be more than one resource. And so you can ask her, is there a resource that comes to mind that she would like to invite in to help alchemize this terror and free her with her words? And you'll receive it, too. I will receive it. And anyone listening who would like to receive it can receive it.
Emily:
Does the resource have to be a person or a thing?
Amy Babish:
It literally can be. It could be in one of the five elements. It could be a tree, it could be flowers. It could be a planet. It could be an energy like forgiveness. Literally anything can be a resource. And she might not know of anything. So we'll ask her first.
Amy Babish:
And if she's like, I don't have anything. I don't know, then we'll tune in and we'll ask you in your field for the resource.
Emily:
I think the resource for her was there was. There was joy in just feeling connected to all of what was around her. But she felt quite anchored to the land.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so can the land be the. The alchemical resource?
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so we're going to ask the land to be with both of you throughout all time, space, and dimensions, and to be with us in this moment in 2025, and all the listeners whenever they find this. We're going to ask that dusty land with brown grass that isn't wheat to alchemize the terror that she carried, that you carry. The shared terror, the wanting to pull covers up overhead. Because what will happen if I speak the truth and write about systemic issues for women? What if I allow my voice to resonate with those who need it and want it most? We can ask the land. Bless the largest inside of me. Bless the largeness of my words, of my medicine, of the book that will be birthed. Bless the words that never could be written by this ancestral tie. Bless the words that you write and that she'll write in the afterlife.
Amy Babish:
May they be visible to eyes not born yet. May every word be lived into, letting that land alchemize the feelings of being controlled or controlling systemically, systematically. And anything related to writing or words, anything related to anxiety and terror.
Emily:
It.
Amy Babish:
Will dismantle the binary. And, Emily, what happens for you and this ancestor?
Emily:
We both feel so held, so loved.
Amy Babish:
And can you see that she has received more life force even in the Afterlife.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
Because the grass is green now.
Amy Babish:
Oh, wow.
Emily:
Wow. She's kind of lying on her back and she's just like. The grass is just waving around her, but now the grass is green.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
She's looking up at the sky. She's watching the clouds go by and there's no fear.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
That's what she's feeling.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And what about you?
Emily:
I feel so peaceful. Yeah. Feels so peaceful. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And this is. Is this a piece that you can access in other ways or is this a new kind of piece?
Emily:
It's a piece that I've been learning to access. It's just something about the sound of wind that blows through trees that just has such a calming effect on me. And I've been doing a lot of walking every day in spaces where there's so much green and there's so much trees and just, like. Just the right amount of warmth in the sun. And then when we get to the trees, then the. The cool breeze blows and just keeps everything at, like, this perfect temperature. And that's it. That's why I just knew it was the land that was the resource, because I've just never felt maybe not just the land, but the elements, the.
Emily:
The all that is connected to the land and comes from the land. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So now we can ask her, does she have any words for you or a blessing for play? She said just go.
Emily:
Fine, just play.
Amy Babish:
And does she want you to play with words?
Emily:
I think she wants me to play. Okay. Not what I think. Let me ask her straight away. She said yes. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
It's all kinds of play. But play with words, too.
Emily:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Because play is about freedom.
Emily:
Yeah. And I think, you know, there's. When it comes to, like, academic writing, there's a level of seriousness when it comes to, you know, writing because you're wanting people to get a particular kind of message. There's a serious seriousness to it. But I. I'm definitely getting the sense that this is. This is. It needs to be softer, it needs to be playful.
Emily:
It needs to find that sort of. That integration of the softness and the seriousness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
Amy Babish:
And is there anything you want to say to her before we complete with her?
Emily:
I just want to tell her to go in peace.
Amy Babish:
So before she does that, we will. We will. We will take you. You will take your soul fractal back from her.
Emily:
So you. I want to say thank you. A deep. A deep thank you for trusting me with her story.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And that she was able to contact us.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And that she was Willing. Yeah. So you can say thank you for being the roots of my words, my roots of my love for words and my roots of wisdom around dismantling systemic oppression with God, with the patriarchy and with gender violence. Gender based violence. And when you're ready, you can say to her, I take my soul fractal back from you and allow it to come back into your physical body. And it feels different for everybody. It might feel like a wave, it might feel like golden light, it might feel like sparkles, it might feel like it goes to one particular part of your body. All ways are just as they should be.
Emily:
It felt like, well, it looked like a. Almost a diamond shaped piece of glass or mirror and traveled through time and it came to settle right here. Yeah, right here.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah.
Emily:
And I feel very warm now.
Amy Babish:
Your life force is coming back. That's part of your life. So if you would like, we can do another layer with your, you know, biological lines, your maternal. Maternal line.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So we're gonna bring. It's up to you. If we bring both lines forward or if you feel like they need to be addressed or spoken with individually, we can do one at a time. Everybody's system is different.
Emily:
I feel, I think they feel content to be brought together.
Amy Babish:
Yes, I could feel that. Yes. Okay, so you're gonna bring them with because it's a mirror now, because when you're talking to them behind your shoulder, they're going to flip flop. So the maternal side will be, when you face them, will be on the right and the paternal side will be on the left when you face them directly. And you're just going to invite whoever wants to come, however far back, however thousands of generations, they can stand kind of like a soul train facing you and just take your lineage in that you've chosen for this lifetime, your blood lineage.
Emily:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And what we'll say to them is, you'll say to them, whoever wants to receive the resource of the land, the land of our people, but also the land that I just was at, to receive transmuting of anxiety and terror around safely using your voice among very complex racialized systems and gendered systems. Whoever would like to receive that alchemy, even in the afterlife, can receive it. And those who do not want to receive it can step, step aside. They can go play, they can go to the ocean, they can go wherever they like. No one's forced, no one's controlled. And they can receive as much or as little as they desire. It can be a drop, like a tincture, or it can Be a full on full body from the heart of the world all the way up to the crown of their head. That this alchemy can alchemize all of the silencing of women's voices in the maternal line around adultery, of having to drive in a very complex racialized system.
Amy Babish:
And on the paternal line, all of the women and men who were silenced because of gender and racialized systemic divisions, the dehumanization they received, why they felt it wasn't safe to speak, allowing all of that alchemy, whoever would like to receive it. And for some of these ancestors, Emily, they will receive this alchemy ongoing. So sometimes when we've really been stuck, it takes longer because we're more kind of solidified, kind of like a rock. So rather than everyone getting the same dose at the same time, some of these ancestors. Let me check. Some it will take 48 hours, some it will be seven days, and some it will be three months. And you don't have to use your brain power to know exactly how long the system's taking care of it for you. So there's tears.
Amy Babish:
What's happening for you?
Emily:
Well, first, it's a relief to me. I thought this was going to be a lot harder. Process was going to be a lot harder for me, but I just, especially on my maternal side, I just felt the women really just rejoicing, hands up in the air, spinning around, just so, so free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the, on the paternal side, they're a little bit more. A little bit more reserved, but there's definitely. And like a deep inhale and a deep exhale. Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
I'll tell you about why it's a little lighter after we're done with your process, if we have time. But I want to make sure we make sure that we get. We get all the layers that we. We are here to do. So the next layer is to. It feels like your mom and your grandmother on your maternal side that you're going to say to them, and this is in your words, I'm sorry I kept you on the hook for my anxiety. And this is why. I'm sorry I thought that whatever you thought, Emily, I'm sorry I made it about this life and this experience, and I see it's much bigger than this.
Amy Babish:
Are you able to take them off the hook? Yeah. What happens for you.
Emily:
That'S less my mom and more my granny?
Amy Babish:
Yes. Yeah, I can feel that. Yeah, yeah.
Emily:
Yeah. I just, I don't hold it. I don't hold anything. I don't Blame her.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
I don't blame her for anything. I.
Amy Babish:
You can say.
Emily:
I understand.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, I understand. And I forgive you.
Emily:
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So when you're ready, our next layer is to say to your mom and your granny, thank. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for making my life possible.
Emily:
Thank you for giving me life. And thank you for making my life possible.
Amy Babish:
I now take my life back from both of you.
Emily:
I now take my life back from both of you.
Amy Babish:
And I'm ready to live and write and speak on my own terms.
Emily:
And I'm ready to live and write and speak on my own terms against all.
Amy Babish:
Of the systemic oppression.
Emily:
Against all of.
Amy Babish:
The systemic oppression that you lived and.
Emily:
That you and that I lived and.
Amy Babish:
That people around me all over the world experience all of the time and.
Emily:
That people around me and all over the world experience in this lifetime.
Amy Babish:
I'm ready to birth my book.
Emily:
I'm ready to birth my book.
Amy Babish:
And I welcome your blessing for it.
Emily:
And I welcome your blessing for it. Well, it's the first of more books.
Amy Babish:
There we go. Let's do the anthology. If it feels true, you can say, I welcome you to be the wind beneath my wings while I write.
Emily:
I welcome you to be the wing, the wind under my wings when I.
Amy Babish:
Write and when I play.
Emily:
And when.
Amy Babish:
I play and when I play with words.
Emily:
And when I play with words and.
Amy Babish:
I soften a very potent message that's coming through. And I soften a very potent message that's coming through.
Emily:
Soften a very potent message coming through.
Amy Babish:
It's for me.
Emily:
It's for me.
Amy Babish:
It's for you, it's for you. It's for all of us.
Emily:
It's for all of us. It's for all of us.
Amy Babish:
And it's for the land that's for.
Emily:
The land who's wet for who's wet for us. Yes. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Do they have anything they want to say to you before we move to your paternal side?
Emily:
They just smiling now.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Emily:
Yeah. I can just feel it. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So now we're gonna go to your dad. Your maternal side can still be there, but you're gonna say to your dad in your own way whatever you need to take him off the hook for around your voice, around writing, around. Around terror, around anxiety.
Emily:
I take you off the hook, Daddy. I take back any blame that I placed at your doorstep for my. For what I felt like were my insecurities or my anxiety. I understand and I forgive you.
Amy Babish:
So you can say, thank you for giving me life.
Emily:
Thank you for giving me life.
Amy Babish:
And I take my life back from you now, too.
Emily:
And I take my life back now from you too.
Amy Babish:
And I'm ready to live life on my own terms as me.
Emily:
Yes. And I'm ready to learn life on my own terms as me.
Amy Babish:
And I am writing an anthology.
Emily:
And I'm gonna write a couple of books. I'm gonna write an anthology.
Amy Babish:
And I would appreciate your blessing.
Emily:
I would appreciate your blessing, Daddy.
Amy Babish:
Is there anything else that needs to be said?
Emily:
Oh, I'm so grateful for you. I'm so grateful for you. Thank you, Amy.
Amy Babish:
I'm so grateful for you. Thank you for your trust. So we will close the alchemical constellation space. And we have a couple. We have some time. So is there any. Anything you want to name, anything of questions about.
Emily:
Nothing comes to mind right now. I think I genuinely thought this process was going to be a lot harder for me, particularly because of what I observed and experienced at our retreat. I think I. I think this time I. I genuinely chose to trust where whatever was coming was what needed to come. Yeah, Like, I think. I think I came into this being unclear of what that would look like or feel like. And, and it's just been.
Emily:
It's just been an incredible process to follow my intuition to actually do that in the space. And I think, you know, part of, part of. I think what you just, you, you. You hold the space in such a way that like, like, you're almost a safeguard for me. And because you didn't get, like, loud nose as the process is going on, because I thought that would probably happen and then I would be like, oh, no, I failed again. But I didn't. And I'm. I just.
Emily:
I'm so grateful for this process. I, I honestly. It just was such a gentle process for me, Amy. And like, I genuinely did not think that it would go where it did. Yeah, I'm not talking necessarily about the, the soul fractal, but, but the root of the terror. Like, I never, I didn't, I didn't think it would go there. Yeah. Yeah.
Emily:
So I'm just astounded and what I.
Amy Babish:
Can share as you know, your willingness and your, Your willingness to, like, trust you and trust the process. Not like a coercion of any sort, but you're really just 100. You're in. You knew this was the right time. This was all very, very congruent for you. That makes a huge difference. And, you know, when we did, we had the retreat, I was definitely updating my constellation process, and I have my year Long cohort here in the States, and I just had to retreat this past weekend and very similar. So in my constellation updating of how I do constellations, I have accessed a new way to do it.
Amy Babish:
And it's not something my mentors taught me. It's something that came through in August. And now when I do them, they are as potent because I can see the potency in you. I can feel it, but it's a lot lighter. It's not, as you would say and the ladies would say, it's not as hectic and it's. It's not as. For those of you who don't know what that word means in that culture, relieving some anonymity.
Emily:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
It's not as heavy and as intense.
Emily:
Yeah, I think that's what I was. I don't. I can't even say that I was expecting it, Amy. I just. There was just even, like, in coming into the session, I was like, I'm not going to open myself up to anything. I'm going to come into this process, and what must be, must be. So I can. I mean, I.
Emily:
I can feel the difference in even how I came into the session. Yes. As compared to coming into all the other sessions. Some. Some. Something definitely shifted after the retreat for me. And like you always say, we don't really know it's happening in the body. And, you know, and I can like, genuinely say that, sure.
Emily:
No denying its potency. But I just really appreciate the fact that it was. That it unfolded the way it did tonight. So thank you so much. It was.
Amy Babish:
It was divine. It was divine timing, I would say divine process. And, you know, as I say in our. In our group and in the process, you know, I'm not. It looks like I'm holding space, but I'm really not.
Emily:
I'm.
Amy Babish:
I am allowing your systemic field and my systemic field to hold us. And whatever the mystery is different. People call the mystery nature. Chocolate, God, Goddess. And everything that is in its wholeness is holding us. And I'm a really good vessel to make sure that we. We do have those safeguards. And your intention is what creates the specific specificity of that container.
Amy Babish:
Because you're. You're limitless. But we can only work on what your intention is. And that's what creates kind of like the homing signal of where we went. So your intention was so clear, so refined, and it's not about it being specific. Specific does help. But it was. It had a place to land.
Amy Babish:
I want to write this book. I want to use my voice. I want to impact people. I want the book to be a catalyst that kept on letting us go go deeper and deeper and deeper into the root. That's how I can articulate the process now. And you know, I have been gifted with incredible gifts to help it be not so heavy. That's a brand new update that you are experiencing that the group experienced this weekend. I mean we did three group constellations this weekend and they were about an hour and a half each.
Amy Babish:
I know.
Emily:
They were so lucky.
Amy Babish:
They were so. I mean we did have a group of many people in our process without disclosing the people. But those constellations were three to four hours.
Emily:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
So one thing we know for sure about me is that I will always be evolving and my processes will always be evolving. So thank you for, thank you for your trust. Thank you to your system's trust. Thank you to your ancestral ancestors trust. And thank you to your soul's trust.
Emily:
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Amy Babish:
And it will, it will, it will make sure you hydrate. We're taping this almost close to the weekend. Hydrate electrolytes, really allow yourself to rest and it will unfold, it will, it will continue to kind of like settle into your system over time. It's 100 complete. I know that. And it also will like just kind of find its jujits place into oh, where does this belong in me. And you'll, you'll notice how your writing is going to change. You're going to notice what you notice differently.
Amy Babish:
It will all start to happen. So I can feel that deeply for you.
Emily:
Thank you. Thank you, Amy.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. And to those of you listening, thank you for joining us on this really potent but gentle alchemical journey. And if you would like to be a part of this, I have a three pack alchemical gateway process that is three two hour constellations. And you can ask me anything during those times if it doesn't take you the full two hours. And if you'd like to work with me long term, I have all kinds of 12 month packages and I have groups that will be birthing later on this year and I usually do a couple year long groups at a time and I can't wait to hear your feedback. If you'd like to leave me a review on your favorite podcast podcast platform. And until we meet again, I'm sending so much gentleness, joy, connection with the land, connection with the wind and the trees and the grass that was once brown, that turns green and we can look up and bask in the blue sky together. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Amy Babish:
That's all for this episode episode of the Soulful Visionary Podcast. If you found value in today's episode and are ready to delve deeper into aligning your inner world and environment, please subscribe to this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Your subscription helps us to reach more soulful visionaries like yourself, and if you've been inspired by what you heard, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could leave a review. Your feedback not only helps others discover this podcast, but also guides me in creating content that truly resonates with you. I'll catch you in the next episode as we continue to unlock the love, purpose, and fulfillment you deeply crave.